As my happiness fades far away
I am fearful in my heart that there will never come a day
when I will be jubilant in my own way
The sparkling in my eyes will no longer stay
The passion in my sole slipping away
My spirit has fallen, never again, I shall always be astray
no more determination, not today
No longer engrossed with the pain that came my way
My courage has fallen rock bottom
I can never be keen on being sought on
Dismayed at the though of being up at dawn
concerned with the fact that because of you this was brought on
Unbelieving anyone with ever catch on
Tragic to think people will not go on
Oppressed with the memory of a new dawn
Threatened to think we all have to move on...
Author notes
I have read the rules and I understand them
I read Shadows By blue Oblivian and Commmented
I also read For those who Struggle here by FreeWill and Commented
Written April 15th, 2004
A contest entry
- For those who have given 100 comments or more! by swiftlyblue.
300 points, ended August 14, 2004, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All for All (im taking all poems and no rules =) )) by Erozay.
550 points, ended May 9, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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beautiful
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I know haw you feel. Looking where we have been and where we are going can be frightining. I guess we just have to keep starting today, or it is not there either. , Keep it going I hear you. Annie
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this is kind of sad at first i had a total diffrent view but as i read it again i realized its about moving on something tragic happens and all we can do is move on it probably will hurt for a while but dont go into depression there is a light at the end of it all
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i think we're all afraid, at some point or other, that our eyes are never going to shine again... beautiful write... and yes, to me it's threatening that we do have to move on... or time will move on without us
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yay
goog luck in the contest a great write ty for sharing -
Eek. Depression is a powerful thing. One that I'm thankful I haven't experienced all that much. This describes depression really well and it's quite well written, good job here.
NeverGiveUp is right, sole should be soul. I didn't even notice that at first. I guess I must have thought you were having a hard time dancing any longer because your feet lost their passion.
Good work here, and good luck with the contest. -
3 stars ***
this was a nice poem... thought it was rhyme-less, you captured my interest in this peace with ur power selection os super words... i enjoyed reading this poem thourghly.... i just enjoyed it.. you have got my best wishes in winning this contest.... take cares and have a nice time... just keep it up buddy.. your humble little friend...
.. ... - vic
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Pretty good, hon, really. I've never read a poem with this rhyme scheme before, very interesting (alright, I confess, I don't entirely understand it! *smile* Please don't take this as an insult, hon, but I'm a very straight forward person that doesn't know much about tact to my mother's evident despair. The rhyming seems very forced and unnatural. Perhaps you should just let the rhymes go, work with slant rhymes, or use the the little rhymer-do-hickey that AP provides to help with your lines. I love rhyming poetry, but a natural flow is so much more impoertant, hon.
).
Good luck. -
A wonderful Message
This was a wonderful poem. Sad but life does keep moving on. If only we could keep up with it. Best of luck in the contest, take care. Wonderful poem -
This is indeed sad. Good job with the two monorhyme patterns, it is very hard to do, and keep up a rhythm. Some flaws: "sole" should be "soul", not sure what you mean by "keen on being sought on", "though" should be "thought". Anyways change can be good, and you have to move on, but take your time.
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Very nice but sad. I hope that there is a brighter day for you. I always go back to the first poem on the first read of a poet. This one has lots of feelings, and appropriately titled. Good work!
Much Love,
Renee
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you are a very good writer. keep up the good work. i really liked this one.
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Thank you, and your poems are really ausome, I am putting you as one of my favorites...
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Thanks alot, this was one of my favorites poems actually, hehehe, thanks alot...
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great write...i really liked this one...good job and thanx for ur comments
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i like the way you write. you use interesting and unique words, its makes your poetry more individual.
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