50 Things Inside and Out

1. i have a phobia of chemicals, like comet and clorox and i imagine them getting into my body and killing me.
2. i still talk to my old bestfriend, and i'm guilty for never seeing her, because i talk about her all the time.
3. i haven't told my dad and stepmom i'm bisexual yet, only my mom.
4. i was around 8 years old, the first time i kissed a girl, my neighbor's sister.
5. i'm either really friendly, or downright quiet but very anxious.
6. fall out boy is my favorite band even though everyone i know, thinks they're overrated.
7. kurt cobain and sylvia plath are like gods to me.
8. i've had three therapists in my life.
9. i don't even know if god is really listening to me, so how can i believe?
10. my mom had symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia when she thought someone was following her, and i had to leave her and live with my dad.
11. my mom wouldn't let my dad take me boston when i visited him, because she thought i would get kidnapped.
12. my mom was always my best friend.
13. i'm angry at the world but i barely show it.
14. if i had to pick a body part i like in a boy, i like their hands.
15. i don't know what love is, but i believe in it.
16. music is my everything, and it's the air i breathe.
17. i'm good at hiding my feelings for someone, they don't even know i like them.
18. but that's because i struggle with expressing my true feelings.
19. on paper, is where my thoughts come to life.
20. i started writing stories when i was little.
21. i started writing poetry in 7th grade.
22. i'm happy i have one good internet friend, when i thought i didn't believe in that.
23. my favorite color is seafoam green and it's finally the color of my room.
24. i want the power of telepathy because i crave to know what people are thinking, when they see me.
25. i believe in gay marriage rights.
26. i've been a counselor for my mom, for most of my life making sure she didn't fall apart too much.
27. more than anything in this whole entire world, i want someone to love and for them to love me back.
28. i've never been in a relationship with anyone.
29. i used to name my sweatshirts when i was little.
30. i have vitaliga (white spot) on my right knee. it appeared randomly 4 years ago.
31. i've cut myself twice in my whole life, but it feels like enough to make me realize the pain.
32. my name means "star of the sea" in greek.
33. i wanted to be a singer, my whole life up until a few years ago.
34. but show choir has taken over my life, and i loveeeee it <3
35. i want to be a therapist for teens and kids, because i feel like i can relate to them with everything i've gone through.
36. there are times i feel like i've held the weight of the world on my shoulders for so long, but i barely show it.
37. i'm getting better at showing my emotions.
38. everyday, i think about what it would be like if i killed myself.
39. i have very low self esteem.
40. i'm accepting of people, for just the way they are.
41. i'm not sure who i am yet.
42. i'm scared for the future and leaving high school.
43. i'm excited and can't wait to go to college at the same time.
44. my birthday is january 7 and when i was born i was 7 pounds and 7 ounces.
45. my fave movie is labyrinth with david bowie
46. my fave book is the perks of being a wallflower because i see alot of myself in the main character.
47. i watch softcore porn sometimes.
48. food makes me happy.
49. i would like to be a poet, because people do tell me i'm good.
50. most of all, i think i love her but what do i know anyways?