This is how I always hoped that we would end,
our bones wrapped 'round each other in the dust.
I thought that all eternity we'd spend,
our endlessness in loving arms entrust.
Disease came sniffing at your heels for years
And wore you down until you begged relief.
Persisting in our life, with laughs and tears,
We gave each newer drug hopeful belief.
Those last few months were hardest, mean and chill,
As illness wove an ever stronger noose,
Which strangled joy and tested weakened will,
Until Death came and turned your spirit loose.
So now you've gone ahead, in ashes lie;
Still, just one stone will mark us when I die.
Author notes
Form: Sonnet (loosely!)
A contest entry
- BluesMans Soul Muse Contest # 1 by BluesMan.
1750 points, ends December 11, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Your Love Story . . . kinda by RatherImaginative.
700 points, ended November 22, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
I saw this picture used as a prompt in another contest on this site a long time ago, and found its potential implications poignant then. Your interpretation of it tells a sad, but lovely story of the two. And as a sonnet, I find nothing "loose" about it. Your form and meter are smooth, and your rhymning natural and pleasantly unforced. Thanks for entering my contest!
-
-
Thank you so much for the picture -- where does it come from, do you know? I found it very moving, and it did indeed have a personal meaning for me. I wasn't quite sure if this sort of "love story" fit your contest, but you did say you didn't want cotton-candy... and I appreciated the inspiration for my muse.
Lita
-
-
I didn't read this as a sonnet, I read this as a beautiful piece of poetry about a picture that I always find very moving ... I have often wondered what their final words would have been to each other. Your couplet sums the entire piece up ... together in their final resting place.
All the best to you in the contest.
Sue
-
-
Thank you, Sue. I started writing and it just seemed to fit in the form, without much effort on my part. I realize my syllable count is off, but I think it is consistently so! Yes, I wonder, too, how they were laid to rest; or were they in bed, and some landslide/catastrophe occurred? It is an amazing and touching photo. Lita
-
-
I have always liked this picture - it speaks volumes about the depth of love between these two. Indeed, it is a sorrowful thing, to be left behind - but the one who goes first is only marking the path, so you may find your way more easily. Good luck in the contest, my Friend.
-
-
Thank you for your kind words, as always! There is some comfort in knowing we will be together in at least this way. Lita
-
-
Wow Lita, this really choked me up. So strong the love about which you write my friend. The picture just bends me to tears. Wonderful writing ....Mal
-
-
Thank you so much -- the picture really knocked my socks off, too. It was easy to write after seeing it! I appreciate your kind words and support, always. Lita
-
-
A moving epitaph
Those last few months were hardest, mean and chill,
As illness wove an ever stronger noose,
Which strangled joy and tested weakened will,
Until Death came and turned your spirit loose.
Most of us don't fear death but the manner of our dying, you capture that scene very well
-
-
I totally agree, death itself can be a final comfort, while the process or method of dying is a fearsome unknown. Nevertheless, it is the ones left behind that must cope. Thanks for reading and all your kind words. Lita
-
-
This is a beautiful and heartfelt poem. Lying together like that with someone you love is probably the best way to spend eternity.
Great job.
Mike
-
-
Mike, you are so kind to read what I write! I very much appreciate it, and your comments are always supportive. The cemetary actually laid the marker this week (finally) so it was on my mind when I saw the picture above, which is amazing, isn't it? Thanks as always, my friend. Lita
-
-
oh wow...
if this doesn't express the sentiments of a love 'everlasting' i don't know what does..this is very touching my sweet big sis.. and yeah.. i feel you on the 'one' marker..excellent sonnet(loosely or not!
)
-
-
Hey, Swan, I do appreciate the visit here! The picture knocked my socks off -- wherever did they find this, do you suppose? Thank you for your very sweet remarks as usual.
Lita
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
