November 5th 2009
Dear Diary....
Today everything in life has become totally fucked
I think it always has but I'm just now taking notice of that fact
As I slowly suffocate in the shame of my past I drown in the river of desire
Seems like all the things I want to happen will never become a reality for me
It's ironic that most of my misery is self-inflicted but the blame goes elsewhere
I feel powerless to stop these thoughts and emotions flooding my consciousness
People are venomous creatures that only appear to bring about plagues and disasters
They spew forth evil words to cut each other down to size and ruin innocent lives
How could a mother tell her child she's a nobody and her dreams will never come true?
If only she knew the impact her words had on me and how they came to destroy me
Now paranoia and insecurity rule over all my decisions and keep me imprisoned
I am a loner and though I don't belong here anyway I would have liked to try
It's too bad that I'm crippled by my own mind and even the simplest things are struggles
All this promise goes to waste because though I have the time and talent I am afraid
Why feelings like envy, fear, and hate have so much control over us is a mystery
The consequences of our actions will only lead us around in circles
In my eyes life is just like riding a merry-go-round in a haunted house
Up and down we go screaming as monsters jump out around every corner
I can only hope that one day life will meet its demise in some astronomical event
For now I live as an evanescent phantom spirit phasing in and out of embodiment
Maybe life is truly meaningless and it is all just random and accidental after all
Though I would never have let myself believe that before....
Now is a whole different story
Now I am forever changed
My innocence corrupted by the actions of men
Beliefs tainted by brutal truths uncovered
I am a nobody just as my mother said I would be
Though this is just another self-fulfilling prophecy
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