Safe To Know...

Three in the morning & I'm watching behind the music
I gotta headache, a sprain ankle & feeling kinda sick
So much talent bottled up but has no use, but waste
These words wont change my life & a break I'll never taste
Speak ill of my mother but she'll never understand my pain
For I'm walking the borderline of fine & insane
It'd be so much easier if I could just pick one to be
Because no one gets the best of me but me
Tears flood my shirt, its hard to breathe & my eyes burn
I want to scratch them out of their sockets so each can have a turn
I never again wanna lay eyes on my self destruction because life is just a lesson I'll never learn
As I stare for minutes on in at a bottle of peroxide
A moment of tranquilty & yet I'm screaming on the inside
Til my voice finally strains & becomes horse
Maybe my recklessness has finally run its course
Guzzle the pain away, looking in the mirror, waiting to drop
The burning tears flowing, once again come to a stop
Because thats not who I am
No one really knows who I am

Which is why I'm currently spilling all of this out to you
In a stupid picture mail like I aint got shit better to do
When I could just give up, say fuck it & be dead
But who are you to buy that, right? its all in my head
You have the authority to say that because you're not here
You dont have to witness me fall apart dear
You dont wanna deal, I'm driving you crazy
Well welcome to my every second of the daily
my favorite color is the clothes I wear, my hair, heart & soul, black
So lets start over, at the beginning & take it back
Three in the morning & I'm watching behind the music
I gotta headache, a sprain ankle & feeling kinda sick
So much talent bottled up but has no use
Its not gon change my life, your life or the emotional abuse
I sit & wonder why these words then continue to flow
What the point is to continue on when you & I know
This is a losing battle & each word makes me weaker
Tired of living, dreaming, writing, spitting & listening to a speaker

I dont wanna go any deeper because you'll see my heart thats damaged
Never healed & you'll ask for this long how I managed
When the truth is I didnt, its all a conspiracy theory
I fake what I can & become numb when weary
I've been destroyed by parents, boys & friends
Somehow I keep trudging through til the bitter end
Because yeah I been there done that & theres no elixer to go in reverse
For if I would have done some shit over it woulda been worse
Like 12 yrs ago I woulda been carried out in a hearse
If your still paying attention, this aint no legit song nor one giant verse
This is just me, letting u know how I felt last night
How it always is & how I'll never be alright
The lights go out, its pitch black, cold & I'm once again alone
To only wake up to the same thing & this in my phone