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quality time






a couple (of strangers)
sit together,
watching television

he leans closer to  her,
nuzzling her cheek with his nose
in an effort to remind her
that he's near

and she stares at the screen
with a blank expression,

mercilessly surfing
through the channels










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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • primal-things
    November 13

    Edit | Reply
    J'adore ce.

    amazing.


  • sideways hourglass
    November 11

    Edit | Reply
    still like this a lot.


  • stasis
    November 11

    Edit | Reply

    4

    I love the way you depicted this interaction, it reminded me of my parents' marriage, lol. This is excellent though, it seems very fresh to me.


  • Candy Morphine
    November 11
    Edit | Reply
    wow.


  • heaven all alone
    November 10
    Edit | Reply
    ahhh. i love it.

  • JM Kenyon silver member
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    Originality/creativity: 9/10
    Line breaking/format: 10/10
    Personality/emotion/voice: 10/10
    Challenge/rules are followed: 8/10
    Punctuation/syntax: 5/5
    Spelling/diction: 5/5
    main message/idea/theme conveyed: 10/10
    Transition/development/cohesion: 10/10
    Impact/reaction: 10/10
    Overall opinion: 10/10
    Score in the main challenge: 8.9/10

    X factor bonus points: 0/5

    Total: 95.9/100


  • heavenbird
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    i really like this. it reminds me of christian's work a lot in the way of content and emotion. it's still your writing and phrasing style, but it definitely has a christian-tone, if you know what i mean.

  • sideways hourglass
    November 7
    Edit | Reply

    91.0

    While your tardiness isn't that much of a big deal, what made it an inconvenience was that about 24 hours has gone by...and I didn't even know your entry was completed. The judging process could have been completed a day sooner. The delay wouldn't have happened if you had posted the link on the column page as I had requested.

    Originality/creativity: 9/10
    Line breaking/format: 10/10
    Personality/emotion/voice: 9/10
    Challenge/rules are followed: 5/10 - link wasn't posted on the column as requested...plus the lateness. (not so much the latter)...
    Punctuation/syntax: 5/5
    Spelling/diction: 5/5
    main message/idea/theme conveyed: 10/10
    Transition/development/cohesion: 10/10
    Impact/reaction: 9/10
    Overall opinion: 9/10
    Score in the main challenge: 9.0/10

    X factor bonus points: 0/5

    Total: 91.0/100


    This captured a simple, awkward moment. This is the kind of observation/moment I was looking for length-wise. I don't have any legitimate criticism.

1 - 8 of 8