(Zak was staring out of the window as the rain poured down outside)
Zakane: Why is it that everyone who knows me has a problem with me? I mean, it's not like I'm a bad dragon or something. I can barely yell at someone without the possibility to tearing up and crying.
(Zak was starting to cry as he thought of how his parents had treated him when they had found out he was gay.)
Zakane: Maybe if they would have gotten to let me tell my side of the story, it would have turned out better.
(Suddenly, the rain stopped and Zak walked outside, where the air was cool and moist. He had a class starting in about 10 mins so he was gonna make his way over to the building. (When Zak reached the building and parked his motorcycle, there was a fight about to break out between two dragons, one large burly dragon who was green and blue and another smaller dragon that was black and red. Zak, being a really shy type, tried to walk right by, but someone bumped him and he fell into the middle of the conversation.)
???: I don't care what you think Giran! I can't stand you!!
Giran: But I didn't do anything to you!! So just back off before I beat the hell out of you.
(Zak looked at the one called Giran and started to blush bright red. He had feelings for the large dragon for a while now, but didn't want to express it; for fear that he would have the hell beat out of him.)
Giran: I'm just gonna walk away before I end up getting into a fight with you!
(Giran goes to walk away, but the little red and black dragon runs up to punch Giran. Without a single thought of what the consequences could be, Zak grabbed a hold on the small dragon and judo threw him away from Giran.)
Zakane: If there is one thing I know about fighting, you never attack someone whose back is turned to you.
(The small dragon gets back to his feet and moves to punch Zak, but Giran catches his fist and slings him aside. Then the administrator of the school walks up)
Admin: What is going on here? A fight?
Innocent Bystander: The small dragon started a fight with these two and they defended one another.
Admin: Is that right? Well then, come with me you?
(The admin motions for the small dragon to follow him and motioned for the rest of us to go to our classes. Zak picks up his bag he had set down and begins to walk to class before Giran steps in front of him.)
Giran: Thanks for the backup there, so what’s your name?
(Zak blushes and keeps his face hid in his hoodie. He had never thought of being this close to the dragon.)
Zakane: I’…I’m Zakane.
Giran: Cool, I Giran. Nice to meet you Zak.
(Giran takes Zak’s hand and shakes it before walking to his class. Zak stares at the large dragon as he enters the room.)
Zakane: I just need to get up the nerve and ask him…no, cause if he isn’t, then I’ll have revealed my secret and I’m dead.
(Zak began to argue with himself as he walked into his writing class.)
(After a whole hour, the bell rings and the students come rushing out of the class and to their next classes. Lucky for Zak, his next class wasn’t till 5 in the evening. So he started home for about 3 hours before he would have to be back. Just as he reached his motorcycle, he heard someone call his name. It was the admin who had stopped the fight from before.)
Admin: Zakane, wait a moment.
(Zak turns off the motorcycle and looks at the admin.)
Admin: You forgot your paper in my room. You’ll need it for when we start writing our reports. (hands Zak the paper)
Zakane: Thanx sooo much. I would have been lost without it.
(The admin waves to Zak as he starts up the motorcycle and drives away. When Zak arrives at his dorm, he notices that the door is open and there is some movement inside. Thinking it was just the cleaning crew, he really doesn’t give it much thought as he walks in.)
Zakane: Hello Julie, how has your day been?
???: Who is Julie?
(Zak turns around to find that Giran is standing in the center of the room, two large boxes sitting next to him.)
Zakane: (blushing oh so badly) Wha..what are you doing here Giran?
Giran: I was transferred to this dorm after the little…misunderstanding today. I’m gonna be your roommate. That is ok, right?
Zakane: (hiding his face) Yeah, sure…
(Zak makes his way to his bed before he hears the front door close, trapping himself and Giran, the one he likes, inside. He goes straight to his comp to start working on his paper, since it was due 2 weeks from now and it had to be 5000 words long.)
Giran: Hey Zak, can you come help me with something real quick?
Zakane: (kinda flustered) Umm…sure…
(Zak gets up and walks over to Giran and looks into the boxes.)
Zakane: Ok, whatcha need help with?
Giran: This box here has a special thing in it that I can’t seem to find. Can you take a look to see if you see it? It’s a ring that was given to me.
(Zak sits down on the floor and begins to rummage through the box as Giran walks over to his bed then walks up behind Zak.)
Zakane: Umm, I don’t see a ring in here Giran.
Giran: Ok, then just don’t worry about it.
(Zak sets the box back down and stands up, turning to walk back to his desk only to walk right into Giran.)
Zakane: (blushing bright red) I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were…
(Giran gets a small smile on his face)
Giran: It’s ok Zak. I know about your secret and that you’ve had a sort of “crush” on me. Am I right?
(Zak is wide jawed by the time he tries to say anything. He is also blushing like a cherry.)
Zakane: Umm, well… (he is interrupted when Giran licks his cheek)
Giran: You don’t have to make up lies…because I like you too Zak.
(Giran smiles and pulls Zak really close to him)
Zakane: Umm…can we…
Giran: Talk? Or something more…
Zakane: So…does that mean that…we can be together?
Giran: I would like that Zak…I would like that very much.
(They kiss deeply then continue unpacking Giran’s stuff, both looking back to the other and smiling)
(So it turned out that Giran felt the same way about Zak and the two of them were now roommates and the best of all, they were in love with each other.)
Author notes
A sort of story between my character and another dragon.
There is a dragon of frost, who's life is as cold as his breath...
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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It is very clever the way you've modeled it to look like a roleplay kinda thing.
However, the sentences do seem to be cut off fairly quickly. There is a good character development and stuff during the start. But then it just seems to suddenly stop. And then the story suddenly ends, with not much of a climax...
Overall though, a very good write. Cute storyline and very uniquely written.
~Lae


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hmm...
yeah gimmie min for this blank to wash over
it's a RP style with brackets for the comentating... to a degree... different is pretty much all I have to say for this lol

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Alright, here's the report as done by me!
Personally, and this is more of a me thing than anything else, is the setup of the story. I believe you said that was modeled to look like an RP, yes? I'm not a big fan, but that's more of personal preference than anything.
Secondly, welcome to the world of writing. I can see a few things here and there, first with the abrupt short length (which really depends on the writer, so disregard) and again with the straightforward nature of this story. To put it bluntly, it's all too much 'cut to the chase'. There was little build up and the character from someone not familiar with him (BTW, Go Zakane!) is all but alien. Giran (never really saw him as he's depicted here, but then again I didn't much like him when he and Goku were fighting, either) and Zakane have a lot of potential to them, but there is very little to give them a real introduction to the story.
Just starting out, this is a good way to do it. There is work to be done, but you show a lot of promise. Keep working on it, my Draconic friend.
Always Waiting,
Rayn

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If there is one thing I know about fighting, you never attack someone whose back is turned to you.
This is a great little story you've got, and the line I posted above this is so true. It's something I learned at an early age and something I live by. Great writing! -
I like it!!!!!!lol
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umm...ok...the whole dragon thing is a little weird...I mean, couldn't Zak just fly to school? lol...it's a good story, and somehow it seems a bit...familiar...
hee hee...
good job.
Alicia Lynn and Sophie Lynn


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