A Baby's First Cry For Air

I've raised a glass
In selfish toast...
skipped to the end, too fast,
when what mattered most
was going through the motions...
yeah, oceans couldn't keep me from my pearl.
but my treasure lost
it's measure in my hand;
once I held it tight
I'd tossed it, crossed it from my mind,
caring not where it would land
looking only to my next shimmering mirage of contentedness...

I was restless with my words
that flowed as though I was sure of myself
but the only thing I was sure of
was my ability to fool the fools
& elude the radars of the wise
long enough to make excuses
conducive to getting me off the hook
before the fish mongers did...
the fish mongers who'd fillet my belly
and show the real me
beyond the facade & facsimile
& campaign promoting me
as the next best thing since
the last best thing went sour
& devoured the mainstream thought-waves
in a tsunami of of translucent agony...

I was
what I was
not because
I refused to become more
but I was
because
I thought that what
I was
was enough
to keep me through the winter of my discontent
& the night's I'd spent alone
paid for my tomorrows with a possibility...

I was alone because my eyes were closed
because I went against what I was supposed to do
to be, to believe in...on the surface
I was side-show-circus man-with-two-heads,
man with more than meets the eye
'cause eye is flesh
and cannot glimpse beyond itself
to see the ripples in the pond...

I was half of what I should have been
but that was then & now is now
& somehow...someone...somewhere...
is going through the same smoke-filled corridor
looking for more
& I'm not there to tell them "Look beyond more"...

Words, grow wings
and flutter on their heart-strings
'til their eyes sting with regret
& their souls sing for what's yet to come...

With a baby's first cry for air.