Sense of Reality

I thought one day I would grow; I would be whole.
After all the dust settled I was still myself.
I hoped I would be someone else
When the mirror was finally fixed.
But no, I'm not so lucky.
I'm still broken.
Somehow, I can't shake off the shadow of my past
I'm always lonesome, always wanting something.
I'm so tired of this endless searching.
struggling to define what's inside.
I still feel like a husk of a human
unable to speak feel, or even breathe.
I don't feel like myself
and I wonder why.
I want the answers,
but nothing changes.
I really thought
just a little longer!
Soon you won't be abused
Soon you will shine.
The shine was dull.

Author notes

I failed to be reborn long ago when I was finally able to leave the abuse behind me. Physicallyy it is gone. But I still feel and act the same. I don't wanna feel so numb anymore, when inside I feel warmth wishing to shine. It's so painful...I bet it's why I do feel so lonely. Ah, well.