~
Standing in line at the Cinnabon,
we talked about our mall-stalker.
I would have actually been impressed
if you weren't pissed only because
he stared at me
instead of you.
~
A contest entry
- Contest Anyone up for a morning quickie? #14 by chilali.
700 points, ended November 5, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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oh wow.
You can write a novel of a poem
in just a handful of brilliance.
Wow~
Congratulations on your HM,
though this poem deserved well more
My best,
Zach Estel
s
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1. Cinnabon is amazing. you sold me there, haha
2. Constructively, "you weren't pissed only because" feels a bit awkward to me. But that could be that I'm doing too many technical/professional writing courses and learning to be too picky about every word, haha.
3. I love this. Just a clip in time that tells so much more. This makes me want to know the back story. Very well done, Tyler.
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hey, yeah, i understand why that sounds alien to you. the word only is important though, because i'm saying that the only reason he was mad...was because the guy was checking me out instead of him. IDK maybe there is another way to say it, but considering the 30 word limit...it worked in its brevity.
thanks christina...glad you stopped by
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you amaze me with your mad brevity skillz0rs
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Nicely done. Short, concise, easy to see the whole picture and feel the emotions that take place. Very strong for such a short piece. Impressive.
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You tell an incredible amount of story in such brevity. I applaud you.
--Katie
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you packed so much in 30 words... wtg Tyler
Juls
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oh wow. what a story! haha. niiiceee! love this. thanks for enteringgg! and good luck
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A superb write - a matter of fact, boldly spoken. Take care. All the best in the contest.
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You have maturity, language and just impact in what you say.. !!!
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