I stumbled across a moment today.
An infatuatingly sweet,
serendipitous moment that carried
such a load upon each syllable.
This vowel pronounced hurt while another declared hope.
A consonant hissed regret while the other previewed the future.
The whole swelled with love in 3 tenses and in 3 dimensions
not forgetting the good or the bad,
the sensual or the selfish.
The moment was brief and the
boldest statement rolled
to the end...period .
Please help revise!
Comments
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It is always better when the aftertaste is sweet rather than sour, however, everything really seems to come out bittersweet.
Nicely done.
Peace
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I enjoyed the extended metaphor.
Isn't all of life defined by language? Every action described, every thought explicated. From the moment we first begin to acquire language it shapes our very existence.
Maybe you could try writing this out in verses, beginning something like this:
"I stumbled across a moment today.
An infatuatingly sweet,
serendipitous moment
that carried such a load
upon each syllable."
It would seem more poetic and be much easier to read as well. But that's just my opinion, for what it's worth.
I enjoyed this a lot. I like to see things shown in a different light, and you did that very well, I think.
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excellent. Great from start to finish. you have a way with words!! thank you for sharing this one. keep up the great work!
peace and light,
Kendal
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A delightful moment it was reading this piece, indeed!
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