Where rainbows climb the skies on fervent wings,
the eye of heaven high above the seas,
the symbol of ideas, sweet fleur-de-lys,
who rested on the shields of mighty kings.
Deep in the valleys where the south wind sings
and flowers nod their heads in grassy leas,
her pretty petals ruffled by the breeze,
queen Iris hides near shiny fairy rings;
and when her arc delights the cloudy sky,
her kingdom has no end and knows no fear,
she shimmers in the sun, descends to earth
her eyes are bright and banish every tear.
She brings her message full of joy and mirth
and mortals lift their heads and wonder why.
Where rainbows fall from skies hope's fervent wings
from heaven helps man span both land and sea,
as fleurs-de-lys on shield of mighty kings,
symbolic Iris crowns eternity.
Deep in hidden valleys, on the plain,
spite wild north-easters, where south zephyrs blend
petalled scents and birdsong's sweet refrain,
world over Iris reign will never end.
Here hidden under shiny fairy rings,
there open on perilous seas when gale has passed,
inscribed in legends, soothing life's harsh stings,
brings coloured canvas after stormy blast.
Where laughter fills the air, hope undismayed,
there witness paradise which will not fade.
From heaven's eye above cloud cover haze
rainbow beams descendant still recall
symbolic pot of gold. On fervent wings
Iris tints sky's canvas, coloured arcs
on land and seas to seize the moment's joy.
Deep sweeps through valleys where the south wind sings,
reflective sun-dogs whose prismatic scope
opens imagination and returns
to legends forged by Gods heroic, Greek
harbingers of change for long before
France fleur-de-lys adopted and unfurled
as an emblazoned banner to protect.
Oh, goddess bring your message down to me
and in your sunshine I will happily bask,
on mermaids' wings I'll follow where you fly
and hope to reach that wondrous pot of gold.
Oh, open heaven's eyes and see the light,
a thousand different colours sink and spool
and follow where your footsteps melt the sky,
and liquid tears delight the morning's face.
The eastern sun uplifts his chariot,
and dries the rains away, you ebb and fade,
a vision lost and yet that ray of hope
remains to comfort, fearless and devout.
Oh, in the valley, hidden far away,
your beauty shines delighting all the earth.
Author notes
This is a collaboration between Jonathan Robin and Beth St.Clair
- Critical Reviewers Two group list • next in list
- A Critical Circle group list • next in list
A contest entry
- iris by adsaige.
1900 points, ended November 21, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This poem has a certain quality to it I have not seen in a poem in a very long time. Your voices blend together so...easily. And I am very glad for it.
Best of luck. -
Two fantastic poets, and this is an absolutley beautiful piece with vivid and outstanding imagery. Loved this
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Dear, R o o m - w i t h o u t - d o o r s (Johathan Robin and Beth St. Clair)
I am so honored by your beautiful collaboration that sweeps our emotions in swells. This is so well done. Adsaige and me (michael) will not include our poem in the finalists for judging. Thank you so much for your poem.
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Very enjoyable leaving a taste of that place somewhere between fantacy and reality we often yearn for
Sometimes so called cliches fit perfectly and in those cases I see nothing wrong with using them as any other wording may detract from the poem
Nice work
pete
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The picture is absolutely beautiful and you make it even more beautiful with your poem. The poem was wonderfully written with a soft touch I enjoyed. BEAUTIFUL and BREATH TAKING!
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Beautifully written! i love this! Thanks for sharing!
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Bandit Reading list
Wow! I am in awe, this poem is fresh, creative and thouroghly delightful to read and ponder. The imagery is vivid and this poem holds interest with good flow. Well done dear poet,
write on!
Dennis
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BANDITS READING LIST ! ! !
Flows nicely with some delightfully fabled mystical metaphoric imagery
the irregular stanzas didn't present any problem in fluidity. I cannot agree
with the comment about cliches which didn't ( if indeed there were any)
detract from the narrative or continuity and all in all was quite a pleasant read throughout.......George
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I have to praise the smoothly flowing meter and rhyme in this piece first off. They make the reading so much more pleasant for me. The imagery is lovely as well, and I enjoyed the fairy tale feel of the poem. The only thing I can mention for improvement would be to perhaps add a comma after the first phrase in line 14 to help with the clarity of the sentence. My eyes stumbled over that line, and I had to go back and reread a couple of times to make sure I understood it. Otherwise, this is a very good piece.
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I like the words used and the imagery is gorgeous. It's very fanciful and that's just my type of thing. :-) I think the last stanza is my favorite.
The one thing I have against this poem is that it changes forms several times and I find that confusing and hard to follow.
However in my mind the merits outweigh the downfalls.
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It's very good. I like the picture that prompted this, or that accompanies the write. It was written skillfully in an olden tradition it felt like. My only complaint is some of the imagery used that was very basic "pretty petals" and "cloudy sky". They're rather ordinary and run-in-the-mill where the rest of the poem doesn't share the same monotony. I'd rake your wonderful imagination to revise those instances and this poem will be greatly improved.
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Bandits-Reading-List
I have to agree that this is nice . . .
the title was very intreiguing, and once I got into the poem, I was enraptured by the imagery and the beautiful language; and helped along with the flow
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Thank you for sharing with us, and I wish you all the best.
Zach Estel. -
I sort of think you should explain what Fluer-de-lys means in the Author Notes. I feel like that would really help us understand the poem. Although I have to say - it's not a poem easily understood anyway. It's too abstract for that. But then, does beauty really have to be simple?
I love the reference you make to fairy rings in the second stanza - it really adds to the mysterious allure of the piece, because fairy rings may be the only mystic concept that's NOT cliche'd... if that makes sense? In the same stanza, I wonder if changing "the south wind" to simply "South Wind" (capitalizing to make it clear that you don't mean just any south wind) would help the flow of the poem. I think the syllable count is very slightly off here.
...I was going to turn this into a long, nitpicky critique, but I find myself short on time. Sorry!
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nice
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