Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

(Untitled)

My brain is in an oven
My body is in an oven

Heat sears flesh, sweat smells
odors linger offending the
nostrils, my burning
thoughts
like putrid smoke rise forth
polluting the air as i wipe
the sweat and skin off my baking forehead and you look
at me like i'm another girl.

is the intro horribly bland?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Nuclear
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    I think every poet has at least one "Untitled".

    This is vivid, but can be taken in a ton of ways.
    I like it.