the asphault's heat
pushes apathy into his heels;
his head mimicks the pattern
of the weeping willow
desires have been destroyed
and that beauty now lies in the arms
of men who live christened
by their greed
he can barely find the strength
to dream of one final farewell
with the woman who caresses
the edges of his mind
suddenly he is quite aware
of those tragic surroundings
as a car swerves past
and lurches for the ditch
pine needles blanket
its horribly twisted frame
as though trying to
make the world forget
her face is a ghastly hue,
red curls speckled with blood
dust and branches cover
her swollen body
he knew her time was up
and that no one would
get the chance to
say goodbye.
"no,"
he whispered softly.
"not like this."
Author notes
an observation.
I've just realized that nearly everything I've written for XF3 has been pretty sad.
In a list
A contest entry
- Observation by sideways hourglass.
600 points, ended November 11, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
it's just a hoax .
Comments
-
you already know i like this.
-
4
This played out like a film in my head. -
crash
Originality/creativity: 9/10
Line breaking/format: 10/10
Personality/emotion/voice: 9/10
Challenge/rules are followed: 10/10
Punctuation/syntax: 5/5
Spelling/diction: 5/5
main message/idea/theme conveyed: 10/10
Transition/development/cohesion: 9/10
Impact/reaction: 9/10
Overall opinion: 9/10
Score in the main challenge: 10/10
X factor bonus points: 0/5
Total: 95/100
-
89.9
Originality/creativity: 9/10
Line breaking/format: 9/10
Personality/emotion/voice: 8/10
Challenge/rules are followed: 10/10
Punctuation/syntax: 5/5
Spelling/diction: 5/5
main message/idea/theme conveyed: 9/10
Transition/development/cohesion: 9/10
Impact/reaction: 8/10
Overall opinion: 8/10
Score in the main challenge: 9.9/10
X factor bonus points: 0/5
Total: 89.9/100
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