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Worthlessly beautiful

My agate exudes light
like a much needed elixir
a romanticized portal
to view my surroundings
when it all seems too dull
to bear.  It sits on a shelf
where oddities grow
more important
over the years. Things
my children will pick up
and question
when I am no longer here, maybe
glance at the room
through the soft gloam
of an agate, and swear
my sighs

live inside.

~

Author notes

Last line?
live inside. period
or
my sighs are alive?
hmmm. not sure, any suggestions?

Critiques not only welcomed, but encouraged.

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Comments

1 - 28 of 28
  • MoonlightStars gold member
    November 11
    Edit | Reply
    The sadness just spills out. Great work.


  • manatee
    November 9
    Edit | Reply
    This is lovely! Beautius, and a gem of great price.


  • poet2angels gold member
    November 9

    Edit | Reply
    This made me cry...I love the ending...

    SIgh~

    Lynda


  • Nicolette gold member
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    i like it as you have it here, Kathleen...beautiful and timeless. loved the softness and the glow of this poem...sighs

    ~ Nicolette

  • tara wilson gold member
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    i would end with 'inside'.

    we already know you mean 'it'. i also don't like lines ending in it... feels added on.

    this is excellent - i enjoyed its creativity of thought.

    • Rowan gold member
      November 6
      Edit | Reply
      yep... that was bothering me, good suggestion. Done.


  • Cannonsfire
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm I like it both ways lol By that I mean I think it works either way. lol I am so indecisive today


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    "live inside it" would be my choice which, I guess, was your first thought ...

    • Rowan gold member
      November 6
      Edit | Reply
      I liked Tara's suggestion about the word it... I don't know. lol. But thanks for weighing in!


  • CaliOkie silver member
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    . . . "live in it." Just my suggestion, mind you . . . and grammatically incorrect to boot! Words are best served when we bend them to our use . . . true especially in poetry.

    In any case, this is excellent . . . but then, when is your writing not? You are nothing if not an excellent writer.

    Garrison

    • Rowan gold member
      November 6
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Garrison, I liked Tara's comment about the word 'it'. Good point. But thanks for weighing in.


  • Night Hope gold member
    November 4

    Edit | Reply

    Ahhh, another rock collector. Personally, I like "swear my sighs live inside." - but of course, that's just me. I like it anyway, whatever you decide.


    • Rowan gold member
      November 6
      Edit | Reply
      Yup, you and Tara were right, I think. Thanks hon!


  • just mercedes gold member
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    Love it. The things that mean nothing to anyone else, but represent times, place or people to you. You've evked the translucency of agte here really nicely, it's a soft light, and the stone is kind of soft to the touch too.

    I like the way you end it - you could play with 'live there' to rhyme back to 'swear' or just leave it tucked in as it is - always your choice!


  • Randomly Beautiful
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    The way it is is perfect. This is brilliant as always.


  • Kazunan
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    Good as usual. Deep and reflective. I like you writing style.

  • Ankeeta silver member
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    be it live inside it


  • ccawley gold member
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    I really like, "where oddities grow
    more important
    over the years. Things
    my children will pick up
    and question
    when I am no longer here" ...excellent...haunting in a way...I guess because when we're "no longer here" we won't be able to answer their questions---a helpless tone

    "sighs" that sounds familiar I sigh a lot. My husband checks me sometimes when I sigh like he's taking my temperature, "You okay sweetie?" "Yeah" I say, "Just sighing."
    The act of sighing could be symbolic of many emotions and thoughts...good topic for a poem all by itself.
    Wonderful poem, wonderful poet

    • Rowan gold member
      November 6
      Edit | Reply
      I hate to think of the day when they clean out my many junk drawers...
      lol. Thanks hon!

      • ccawley gold member
        November 6
        Edit | Reply
        Ha! Me too...
        I'll cast my vote with CaliOkie because I thought the same thing about it being a poem and there is freedom in that I vote for leaving "it" as it is
        But anything you do will be awesome!


  • JinSays gold member
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    Shivers.
    perfect just the way I read it
    love,
    jin


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    I definately like this just the way it is. Don't screw around with the ending because it was very effective and made me want to applaud this piece. awesome work...I really enjoyed this piece!!


  • george the 23rd
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    I don't think you need to mess with this one. You did a wonderful job of describing the sentimental clutter that builds over a lifetime, and the mystery it holds after we go...
    I've often had these thoughts as I wander through second hand stores, picking up strange bric a brac... You had a good flow throughout this write, not a word wasted. Well done...


  • michael thomas
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    So many things in my home are there to catch my eye and remind me of their symbolism or act as oblique refractions to beauty. Thank you for knowing such.


  • Allyce May gold member
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    Leave how it is I have worthless beautiful things too, like agate. When I last left Australia a close friend of mine, who I call my second Mum, gave me a smooth, polished green stone (my favourite colour). She "cleansed it" (er, okay, lol) and filled it with love and light. Made me cry. I take it with me everywhere and I sometimes hold onto it when I feel like I'm going to fall off the Earth. I'm a sentimental soul So, this poem makes sense to me You write your personal thoughts and life so well. Grand stuff

    • Rowan gold member
      November 4
      Edit | Reply
      I have a green stone too! I found it when i was about 7 or 8, and it's shaped like a buddha. lol. I also have a stone from the Yangtze river in china, my mom brought it back from me, it looks like a capsule, a piece of slate from a castle in Scotland, umm, among others. I keep alot of crap... really. lol.

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