Purple with anger...
I turn to you....
nothing more than a slithering snake,
I found myself lost in you.
How can I cope,
and who was Ben to you?
now the once flawlessly sweet sensation in my mouth..
is bitter like coffee colored vodka.
I hold you in my hand now,
That gold cup of glory...
As together we dance circles in the sand.
How our lives together have evolved,
into a foolish folly,
as we continue to chase the past...
I wonder what the future will present,
and which one of us will be left,
after life gets finished bashing us with all..
the rest,
of its angry changes.
A contest entry
- Play Fair. by Walking Oxymoron.
2800 points, ended November 12, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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very nice. i particularly like those last two stanzas. well done.
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Ooh, another Ben... This guy gets around, I tell you!!
I like taht you chose purple and coloured your text that way too.
Your layout made this write easy to read...
I liked how you introduced the name to this write.. it was one of the main things I was watching for... Because I know how hard it is to put a name in a write and still make it flow.
I liked how you chose a guy to be your 'trophy'.
And how you introduced the copncept of the snake, the idea of betrayal, and yet still turning their direction anyway.
'Chasing the past'
That was an aawesome image!
I loved the way you used present in a different way, so you have past, present and future all within centimetres of each other, even though it means something else.
And I loved the final line. With that you managed to include the emotion, and the topic of the poem. Which was not quite evident until then.
Clever. I enjoyed this write. -
oohhh I do like this a lot.. Loving the dancing around in the sand bit
welldone and goodluck in the contest xx
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How our lives together have evolved,
into a foolish folly,
as we continue to chase the past...
that was a stunning stanza. i really loved how this started. so easy to read, but then turned into something deep. it had meaning, and it was written well. good luck in the contest xxx
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