Beauty for Ashes

Author notes

This took some time to write. It embodies my highest ideals and deepest dreams. Sometimes I use obscure references and strange metaphor in my work. I do this because it's the only way words come out sometimes... how they seem to insist I speak. I will be giving out points to honest critiques of this poem. Tell me how it makes you feel. If parts of it confuse you, tell me where and how they mislead the mind and heart. The more in depth the critique, the higher the points I give. Regardless of quality, I dug deep inside to write this. I'd really like to hear your thoughts. Thanks.

I meant "flux" as it is used in physics:
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&ct=res&cd=1&ved=0CA8QFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FFlux&ei=fNLxSriBMsuztgf6jNy6Cw&usg=AFQjCNGg8EhcwUYrf8mhqsASRL8Pyg-Jdw

Comments

• By me, right now

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• 
  PurpleAraucana
  November 7
  
  Edit | Reply
  inflow and outflow, flux
  energy moves energy, spark, light, life
  
  an instant of perfection
  permeability
  pregnancy
  
  sin
  always sin
  but hope
  
  in our imperfection
  we serve this god
  
  
  excellent poem

  
• 
  Oh.My.Juliet
  November 4
  
  Edit | Reply
  This is most definitely one of those poems that makes you stop and think, I love how you differentiated between the pebbles and dust. How we are the pebbles and yet we are brought down because our our hurt pain and mistrust. The next part is simply magical, the words are so beautifully intertwined they add rich texture and flavor this piece. Following that is confidence, we WILL do this. I love that, no second thoughts. The religious shadow in the ending really hangs over the reader's head and makes them think, I really enjoyed this. It's been a while since I've had to think so much about a poem, and I really like it. The ending ties everything together and leaves a lasting impression in the reader's mind. Excellent work! All my best.
  
  x

  
• • 
    white stone
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for referring to the pebble dust. It's there to illustrate the passage of time beyond the scope of a single human life. I'm glad I engaged your mind. We are all able to expand one another, as you are able to expand me as well. Excellent in depth comment. Thanks.
• 
  still.she.waits
  November 4
  
  Edit | Reply
  intelligent analysis... oh boy. well here goes, we'll see how intelligent it is at the end.
  
  I see this in its entirety as the "world" being given an option for confession. a chance to begin again.
  ...the time for then is pregnant now...
  
  but at the same time the world is lost in its own ego, and drama and bulls**t. in my mind I see it as a battle of wills. being given an option, and putting everything aside and actually doing it, easier said than done....
  
  and yes, the end lines remind me of Jesus on the cross. [hopefully you'll know what I am trying to say, because I can't quite articulate into words what I want to say right here
  
  she falls at the guiltiest feet
  (to wash)
  she falls at the guiltiest feet...
  
  no matter who...everyone has a chance at redemption[ hope is not lost....] like I said.. the word choice echoes in my mind with this one.
  
  from a different perspective;
  I tend to read things as personal to the author even though I know that is not always the case, especially if I know the author.
  I mentioned confession at the beginning, and by that I mean the need to talk. getting out all the fears and stress and crap that keeps you from falling asleep at night. a chance to take off that mask of
  "I'm doing fine" without judgment or repercussion. sometimes, I fear my muscles will be paralyzed into a "smile" when all I need is the complete opposite.
  
  and I'll leave you with what people tell me sometimes, you are wise beyond your years mr.brown........
  
  ~ case
  

  
• • white stone
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    well, not so much a confession, but more an absolution of self. I feel that confession is pointless, as all is seen in the memory of spacetime's analog fabric. But reconciliation of self to self. We place roadblocks in our psyches pulling us toward right and wrong, but if we listen in quiet, the answer of right will arise. Hell is a wasted fear,and heaven never rings, so it seems to me it is up to us to start the road to healing. At base, t's an nternal problem stemming from countless ages of suppression of self.Therefore, we must acceot the self and all t's flaws as the natural human condition... not a "curse" or some other supernatural occurrence. thE KNOWLEDGE OF SIN IS the cause of sin. "Sin" is perpetuated as it festers in the dark. It is seen as a plague to avoid in lieu of facing the issues bravely. If we bring the deeds and emotions in darkness to light in the beam of reason within ourselves, it is sure to disippate ignorance.... though it be on a limited scale. We can see our faults and remove them in time without guilt or shame to weigh us. Realize, this poem is an ideal I feel is now far unattainable, but pockets of concentrated enlightenment can appear. (and do). Redemption is not an unnatainable castle in the sky, but a stick that lies in the road. We can stomp the stick, sharpen it into a weapon, make a snare, a net, or leave it lie... but change is in our reach. It is deeper than eyes can see.
  • • still.she.waits
      November 4
      Edit | Reply
      like I said wise.
      "well, not so much a confession, but more an absolution of self."
      see, you know what I meant. or maybe I knew what you meant...
      ya know, I like feeling like I " get it" lol
• 
  Justice Morton
  November 4
  
  Edit | Reply
  I am not religious. So, naturally, I did not understand the majority of the poem. After reading your comment below it all fell into place. Even though I didn't understand it when I first read it, I still felt extremely sad and imaginative at the same time. I had no clue what most of the references meant, but somehow you relayed in the form of words that there was a deeper, depressing, but yet optimistic meaning behind them.
  
  To be honest, this reminded me of the Mayan prophesy. They believed that the world would eventually face a dark and terrible moment. But in that moment humanity would be reborn and become better than before. This line sort of outlined that for me.
  
  "the time for then is pregnant now"
  
  In all, I loved it. Filled with great imagery and very realistic (almost terrifyingly). I also learned a great deal as a result, something that I must thank you for.
  Awesome job, thank you for writing.
  

  
• • white stone
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    This is not a religious poem by any means, but is a spiritual and accurate empirical view of humanity's plight, when it's stripped of mythological device. I use these mythological devices to better illustrate points through parable and metaphor, which with a lttle bit of thought will come clear. I use relgious symbolism for clarification in understanding archetypes in all their various forms as they apply to man and his existence.. The Koran, the Tao Te Chng, the Bhagavad Gita, the Diamond Sutra... all these relgious texts are some of the richest storehouses of poetry in the world. Try to forget the deity ,and remember: these words are from falliable men. We can glean for them some, and discard from them some. Honestly, I feel you do a great disservice to your growth as a poet by avoiding religious texts. I believe that the feeling of sadness and imaginativeness you felt is an innate human response that's a yearning to develop further.King Solomon said in proverbs: "In much wisdom comes much sorrow". So sadness is natural...
    The Mayan prophecy... I believe all things are culmnating toward that moment. Some will perish, (as they well should, the earth is overpopulated).... and some will become in tune. ... I've felt this in my heart for years, but of course, nothing's set i stone.One way or another, things will change. I have no lines drawn for definite happenstance, but I do have dreams. I'm glad you understood and commented, Feel free to argue religion any time. I have no solid stance but a wide range of knowledge. I seek for only truth and the betterment of all mankind. I could give a shit who's right or wrong, I'm here to enjoy the ride.Thanks for reading and leaving a thoughtful comment.
• Topnotchsy
  November 4
  
  Edit | Reply
  Your poems always have something to offer, and this one is no exception.
  
  I took the beginning of the poem to reference the idea that people often only learn from mistakes and from pain. It takes years of chasing "the good life" for many to realize that the happiness they seek is not found in the objects that they covet. That the anger they hold in their hearts toward those who they feel are below then, is really the ego that does not allow a person to recognize that we as people are fairly powerless in this world, and is the ideology that keeps them from finding true happiness. The feeling that "I" am better than anyone else, and I am a more powerful being.
  
  I did not entirely understand the ending of the poem, but based on a comment that you wrote (in response to another's comment) I assume there are some references to the New Testament, something I have little knowledge of as I am not Christian.
  
  If you would offer an explanation of the ending and the way this wraps up the poem I would much appreciate it.

  
• 
  Matt E. Smith
  November 4
  Edit | Reply
  I like it. My interpretation is based on my own beliefs...I see this as a poem about the current state of humanity while this encompasses strong spiritual elements (I believe the "she" represents some sort of higher power.)
  
  a "pregnant now" leads me to believe you feel humanity is ready to be reborn. I could be off but this has an underlying optimism within it.
  
  I loved the last line. A biblical reference, yeah?
  
  anyway, I can't critique your writing...I find that the obscurity of it is what makes it unique and in turn...superior to most others. You don't need to tell because you have the ability to show.

  
• • white stone
    November 4
    
    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, the current state of humanity is at the core of this, and as you said, an optimism for birth as well. I say birth because I don't believe we've even really been "born". I look at us more like larval beings, mewling and whining all day. I view the earth and the universe as dominantly female, so they, being the fabric, are the "pregnant now"... the "she" I refer to is the deity of Wisdom as is written in the book of Proverbs. It says to love her and bind her close, to listen as she whispers, to honor her and to hear her lament for the foolish. My first poem on A.P was about her. To clarify, I adhere to no religion, but believe that every word we speak or write or imagine is the word of God (who I view as neither male nor female), and therefore, I hold even the profane to be sacred. This poem is about overcoming fear and confronting the moment.
    As for biblical references:
    the title is taken from Isaiah.
    Lines 8 and 9 are references to Christ's assertion that we are all of one spirit and equal.
    (most people don't read scripture that closely.... being equal with God is an idea most people are scared to entertain.)
    Lines 10 and 11 are in loosely in reference to our wellspring of knowledge (heart) we are "not to let flow in the streets." which also corresponds to a passage in the Tao Te Ching which states:
    "Those who know don't speak,
    and those who speak don't know."...
    But if all know and all speak, then all is known and spoken. Fearless honesty in man is an idealistic pipedream of mine. I try my best to practice.
    The next two couplets are references to the waters of life, or immortality, as well as pristine water as a symbol of renewal, and the people who beg and grovel for a drink thereof. I believe immortality is plausible and there for the taking... I believe God blesses the ballsy. I believe God is silent so we become our own gods. What a heretic-lunatic, eh?
    The parenthesis are a reference to Christ saying in the gospels who likened "this generation" to children gathered in a marketplace, saying to one another, I sang a dirge, but you did not mourn"... in other words, he likened them to whiney little brats that are fishing for sympathy over economic plight and complaining due to lack of response.
    The closers draw a paralell between God and man with
    "The foxes have holes, the birds have their nests, but the aon of man has nowhere to lay his head." from Luke. I use this as a device to illustrate the foolishness in strife, personifyng "maybe" as mankind itself without peace or rest from toil.
    And as for wisdom washing the feet of the guilty... that isn't scriptural, but mythologically and metaphorically seems a fitting act of healing, as well as washing the feet of others seems an ego destroyer from hell. Can you imagine that? Humbling, man. I'm often a pessimist, sometimes a borderline nihilist (as I also believe God is at times), but I take great comfort as caring as the flames roar. I'll hope till the ship goes down, and smle if and when she does.
    What I want is irrelevant. What is real is what 'i will watch, eyes wide.
    Thanks for the compliment, and for surviving ths beast of a reply.
    
    
    
    
  • • Matt E. Smith
      November 4
      
      Edit | Reply
      great thoughts...you're an intelligent dude.
      
      I assumed the last line was in reference to jesus washing judas's feet, knowing he would betray him. I could tell there was some scripture influence in other parts of the poem so I thought that was really poetically fitting. yeah, that is humbling indeeed
• 
  mgmc
  November 4
  
  Edit | Reply
  It's a very spiritual poem, dark in its commentary on the world as it stands (market dark...
  madding crowds, sleeping through life,etc) and wishes for changes --awakening to what the world could be with humility, an openness to what could be achieved. The reference to nakedness/funeral shrouds I think refers to Christ. Who is "she?"--conscience/wisdom/a higher power? I like the style. Reading the other comments I think helped me to understand (and if I'm off would appreciate it if you could clarify). Very nice write!

  
• 
  nurselulu
  November 4
  
  Edit | Reply
  "We will course like rain down cracking lips
  that speak a curse called sin....
  That urgently pray toward silent God
  for hope in judgement's skin..."
  
  This part really touched me........
  To me it says our life here is absorbed by our
  secret sinful desires and actions that we continuously
  want only forgiveness for.
  I like how you put your words together.....
  You weave your thoughts well!
  Thank you for sharing....
  Lu
• • white stone
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks. Glad I could touch. We are all such small, fearful creatures. This is supposed to be a poem about changing that. Also, I feel that our fear and guilt over sin is silly, and keeps us immersed in sorrow. To me, that is the cycle of sin... ignorance and guilt.
• 
  Cannonsfire
  November 4
  
  Edit | Reply
  You know I just found the image in the last part made me think of Mary Magdalene and the crowd that surrounded Jesus as he dragged the cross through the streets. It has that effect though not completely religious you are drawing on the spirituality of things. The ignorance at that time is no different today, you draw the two comparisons together quite beautifully and even if it's not what you intended, this is where the poem took me C

  
• • white stone
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    It was intended. I have always seen the act of her washing his feet as humbly beautiful. I think the beauty of the act is that BOTH parties have to be humble. I would have to swallow alot of pride to let someone do that. This is my utopia, where all are messiah. Eyes open up to divinity (reason) and fear is banished (as a phantom of ignorance). Though most of this piece contains Judeo-Christian imagery (the title comes from a passage in the book of Isaiah), I use it as a tool, as I will anything I read. I look at myth and dream as maps to humanity, much like Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung, for whose writings I am deeply grateful. Did any of it confuse you? Leave you scratching your head? Thanks for the critique.
  • • Cannonsfire
      November 4
      Edit | Reply
      No I don't find it confusing at all, the images I got were apparent quite early in the piece and I think the last part brings it full circle. The children in brackets I enjoyed how you wove that into it, for the children are the humanity we look to and hopefully do better than we have done. I really did enjoy this and you're welcome. C
    • • 
        white stone
        November 4
        Edit | Reply
        Good. Thanks. I'm never vague on purpose lol.
      • • 
          Cannonsfire
          November 4
          Edit | Reply
          lol I have never thought of you as vague lol in fact you are one of the more clear thinkers on here

by white stone

On Nov 4 3:24 AM
Last login November 18

© James Brown, All rights reserved
0 views, 27 old views, 1 visitor views, 44 lines. Age 27

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