Never

It comes like a wave.
and it drowns you before you even know.
You go for months and weeks only thinking about it  a few dozen time a day…
Now…
Now….
You are consumed with grief. You can’t even imagine any other reason why you would ever think of anything else.  Ever.
Your imagination runs away.  You think of his big brown eyes. His father’s smile.  Would he love you?  Would he know what you almost did?  He won’t. He can’t.
He will never watch the sunrise.
You will never hear him say his first words.
He will never know his friends.  They will always be missing something and they will never know.
What about the girl he would have loved so much he couldn’t imagine spending his life without her.  She will never know. Maybe for better…maybe for worse.  They will never know. They can’t.
His favorite food would be pizza or peanut butter.  He would love trains and cars or maybe swimming.  He would smile and laugh and grow.  He would but he can’t.
He can’t. You did.