My Shade of Grey

A pill and a bottle, that’s all it took.
And with these things my faith was shook.
Under age drinking,
What was I thinking?

My movements are slow, does anybody know?
What happened that night? Why couldn’t I fight?
Life is unfair and now I don’t care.

I was used and now not wanted.
By these memories I am haunted.
One mistake that’s all it would take.

A room full of color, laughter, and talk.
A person seemed nice who would have thought?
His motives unknown, his face unfamiliar.
His actions beginning to look quite peculiar.

Then its all black, nothing comes back.
The policeman is talking, but its not him im watching.
My friends are crying, what are they hiding.
How did I get here, Why did I feel so weird?

A man with a face kind with compassion
Took my hand and said “do you remember what happened?”
I shook my head no, as tears started to fall.
He gently uttered the words and told me it all.

A few months go by, still hiding my pain inside.
The signs are all there, I just refuse to declare.
The thing that I know, is inside and still grows.
When the cramps start I feel a race in my heart.

I go the one place, Where no one would trace.
The looks of strangers unwelcome and cold.
A story in my heart that’s never been told.
Looks of judgment fill their eyes,
Why am I not even a little surprised?

They think they know, does it show?
I didn’t choose this, I didn’t want to lose it.
The pain in my heart cannot start.
For the pain in my soul now takes control.

They say I’m the victim, I should let it go.
Some sympathize say they understand
Then tell me why no one is holding my hand.


I won’t let go, no one can know.
What I have been through, and how I was used.
One day I’m sure, He will wash me again pure.
But for now I stay, this color of gray.