My brother tried to build me up from a collection of disassembled body parts that my parents' divorce had put in a package; delivered home with pieces missing.
My brother bought me every tool he thought I would need to be built successfully. But the directions that were included were written in some unrealistic language.
My brother prayed to the god that neither of us believed in, that some miracle would lapse, that somehow he could fight against the physics that tore me down.
My brother worked double overtime shifts and fell asleep behind the wheel, dreaming of my beautiful reconstruction.
It only took two years to build the Eiffel tower.
Author notes
prompt: lyrics from
"for my brother" [blue october]
devoid of poetic devices, but I was going for honesty and rawness.
true life.
n o t - t h e - s u n
A contest entry
- I reach back, hit you harder than god falls. by tuesdae.
750 points, ended November 6, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you dislike, so I can edit.
Comments
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The last line is very powerful; it finishes the poem with a bang. I dislike the straight-forward language/emotion at the beginning. It feels as if the use of poetic devices isn't evenly distributes. Other than that, great piece. I love the title. Best of luck in the contest you've entered; pen on.xx
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Oh man, this is breathtaking. So raw and heartbreaking and the ending just made me stop and think, "BRILLIANT!" This is a home run (:
Good luck in the contest!
x
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