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I want to rip my chest to shreds/shaky hands

exposing nerves still pumping my heart beat to my brain feeding dialysis machines pushing morphine through the sewers

swapping babies for demons and scepters for gold, forecasting serenades 

bleeding through barriers and side slap bass lines casting down on fortresses defended by scarlet sentries who haven't gone blind necessarily

shaking hands pour out verses toxic in the pale moonlight clashing softly against the molten pavement bubbling in the two piece swimsuit summertime sunshine

drums play in time to erratic heart beats tired from shaking up apathetic poets from their oxymoron-ic lifestyle

pass God and collect that 200 dollars stained green by the blood of trees wailing and passing out from the pain of our consumption

pass out in devil stained back alleys darker than her leather jacket, that exists only in your fantasies

left it hanging on your bicycle, as it soaked up the heavy atmosphere sparking and igniting the pale moonlight as it illuminates souls tearing each other apart

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • Virulent Malice
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    You have a strong knack for unique and powerful imagery. Unfortunately, in this piece, you hit too hard and too often with it for it to make enough conceivable sense for me to thoroughly enjoy it, which is a shame because you're a gifted writer.


    • Amergin
      November 8
      Edit | Reply

      Thank YOU!

      Thanks for taking the time out of your day to not only read, but leave an honest comment for me. I see your point about hitting too hard, this piece was kind of written in one draft, and I kind of wanted to leave it as is, should have worked on it a little, ah well.lol. Thanks again for the comment!


  • FlipperSwitch
    November 6
    Edit | Reply
    Well done, I an see the darkness in the piece...as well as some heavy confusion.


  • Lycanthropist
    November 5

    Edit | Reply

    No words to describe!

    SO far, out of all i've read...this is by far the best...the write is perfect for a graphic imagination and intrests of the dark, by far...i love it, brilliant work!

  • Nequissimus Breed
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    blunt, great stuff

    "pass out in devil stained back alleys darker than her leather jacket, that exists only in your fantasies "

    "left it hanging on your bicycle, as it soaked up the heavy atmosphere sparking and igniting the pale moonlight as it illuminates souls tearing each other apart"

    prob my favourite lines, a lot of things to think about.


  • Debbydoes
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is positively brilliant! I loved every word of it. It reminds me so much of Jeffrey Liles. Are you familiar with his works?

    • Amergin
      November 5
      Edit | Reply
      Nope! But I'll be sure to look him up, thanks for the comment and applause!


  • VampireKitty-
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    WOW awesome write you have really good imagery here i don't think you have to revise it at all...good job i really liked this part"pass God and collect that 200 dollars stained green by the blood of trees wailing and passing out from the pain of our consumption" good job and keep it up


  • stef-witt gold member
    November 3

    Edit | Reply
    "molten pavement bubbling in the two piece swimsuit summertime sunshine"

    That's a fantastic line.

    I enjoyed this write... it reads somewhat angrily. It was blunt and honest.

    Wonderful

1 - 10 of 10