I was loving living living love,
Now I’m in mourning living living mourning
You always say the other would die first.
You say that.
You can never be prepared for this day.
Never- you can’t
And ALL the FUCKING cakes, casseroles, pies—they don’t make up for it.
The phone is left off the hook-
No more pretentious phone calls
Outside, she loved gardening.
I never understood it until now.
I see the love.
Our names traced on the wet cement, a heart, forever.
Forever.
What a joke.
I turn off all the house lights.
I hide from knockers.
I don’t want your god damned fake pity
I don’t want you god damned religious apologize.
I don’t want your god damned sympathetic fruit cake.
Instead- well-
I eye the knives… too miserable.
I eye the wire for a perfect noose… too practical.
I eye the two car garage… too pathetic.
Toaster in the bathtub… too common
I am really losing it.
And I am loving it.
I take the gasoline from the garage.
Wetting the whole house I laugh and smile.
That’s right I laugh and smile
My dear here I come
Together forever.
I light the cigar-from flames- to ashes.
Now that is going out in style.
A contest entry
- Make me Laugh, Make Me Cry... Look inside for more!!!~ by Sheilasbabygal4life.
400 points, ends December 5, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Love how the poem ended.
So cynical and devious.
My favorite type of dark readings
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Wow, this is way more than sad.
I sort of evolved with the poem as I read
Your pain for losing a loved one was quite clear. I hear you on the part where you do not want the pity, real or fake. It simply does not help...at all. \
The middle became pissed, and my sadness went away. Anger usually follows.
The near ending was awesome. The thought of suiceide, sometimes the hardest part is deciding how to go out.
Then, bam. "I light the cigar-from flames- to ashes.
Now that is going out in style"
So witty, so amazing. one of my favs from this website indeed. thanks for writing.
Want to read one of mine?
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wow that was great.
On line 23, I dont think you needed that much explanation and It made it seem different than the rest of the suicide approaches.
On line 19 you're missing an "r" on the end of "your"
Line 10 is a little awkward and distracts from the anger of lines 7-9
all in all great poem in my opinion. -
i really enjoyed this, felt the anger of a lost love.
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fruit cake...yes!
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amazingly written no pun intended..this brought a deeper meaning by showing the actions and emotions that just flows through the lines..the agony and bittersweet ending..the vivid image are just there...thanks for sharing and I wish you luck in the contest..
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this is very good i love the idea of it. explaining why you dont do some things. and the ending is great. thanks so much for entering
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Hehe not exactly original to go in a blaze of glory but I love the agony that permeates your poem. The simple but full of pain statements are very apt and and feel just right. I very much enjoyed that even the suicide lines did not feel overdramatic but instead showed frustration which is more natural. As this is a free style write I dont think anything reads awkward at all so full marks from me.
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