you look old
in this light
scarred
beaten
and incomplete
eyes
tell stories
of white lines
men
speed
and lust
images shine
their way out of you
insinuating themselves
into my awareness
wriggling in
and setting up
residence
dark man
in a white suit
dances alone
in the corner
of your eye
other images
flicker there too
baby on a cross
hand on a heart
blood in a shot
sex in an alley
tears in a church
you bring me down
down to knees
that have trembled
against your walls
to where
my face is level
with your hips
that’s strange!
I didn’t know life tasted
like copper pennies!
- The Blue Lamp Post group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Scars by Diminished Capacity.
1900 points, ended November 24, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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I didn’t know life tasted
like copper pennies!
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Wow, this is just awesome. The images are just amazing but what is really getting me is the rhythm. I like this snapshot kind of poetry.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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Thank you!
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Whoa.....superb write, Life.copper pennies.blood letting.
Reads like a photo album, snapshots of a journey.
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Yep .. my kind of writing, actaully I could have written this .. lmal only joking.
I love this type of poetry, a slice of life not wrapped up in gauzy colours, its there in all its bloody glory and you can look or hide your eyes.
Excellent.
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I would end the poem at hips. I didn't get the last three lines at all, but it could be just me. Otherwise, this is fanstastic, sexy, I love the italics, I always feel a change of tone when I read them, like a whisper and I think your flickering images are amazing. Very well done poet.
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I agree that you remain very focused in this thought. It's deliverance was no error and I am grateful for this read. Thank you.
The Rivaling Mimic -
Vivid and very focused imagery here, in some brief lines, that I feel add power and impact. I love those final two lines.
~Hettie
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Although ....
This is a Grand piece , The keystones that caught my eye , were the blood references ... It is hard to find a good author that is not too disturbed by the thought of it in certain .... ways ... I like this ...Hope you win .
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It took me some time to digest what you had written here mainly because I find it difficult at time to understand these types of poems. From it, I got a sense of shame and loss, like someone had seen their whole lives get twisted in one direction then the other. It also speaks of two kinds of thought which I see as the dark man in a white suit, hindered and hindering. A well written bit of course that to those who cherish such writes would revel in. For me, it was quite beautiful and gave me an understanding that I saw which maybe was not what you had in mind. Never the less, it was great to read. I wish you the very best in the contest.
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I have often wondered why my life has been spared. I have done so much to wreck these bones. I took this poem personally, literally, as if I were the mirrored reflection of your words. You took part in my demise, the pleasurable portion of me was yours in my youth. Not until I allowed my obsessions to overpower my will did I begin to show signs of the wear and tear one places upon themselves through choices. See...I am responding as if you were speaking solely to me and me alone.
BRILLIANT!
This has got to be a winner! I wish you well in the contest with this exceptional entry. Everything about this poem is superb!
Much Love Always ♥
Renee
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You have some great imagery in this piece. I loved the usage of copper pennies, and the title was perfect. I liked the baby on a cross stanza, though the entire piece is absolutely wonderful. Wonderful job, I thank you so much for entering.
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I think copper in water conducts electricity. Zap. Be careful down there. -The Manatee
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This was incredibly intense... so real... so actually beautiful and horrific at the same time. Im actually a bit dumbfounded by the imagery, the raw emotion... everything. I love the ending an incredible amount.
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cool...
copper pennies...nice images throughout this poem...good luck in the contest it was a pleasure to read your work...keep it up.
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I took it personal--made me feel I was standing naked in the spotlight of your scorn, or maybe pity. Either way it made me feel vulnerable and the thought crossed my mind, “I hope that my children won’t see me that way.” It ended for me at “tears in a church” (fine stanza, that) as I didn’t really get the rest of it, or want to.
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I loved the interesting style and imaginative imagery in this poem. The rat-a-rat rhythm adds to its power. I'm not sure I understand the significance of the title, however. Peace, Liz
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for the popper cast the copper penny.. pockets empty as lemonade served the champagne pot and life's taste once again no flarvor in the melting pot.. deep in thought awesome pen..very well done Hun alway s hugs Angel♥
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Loved "eyes tell stories"...love that!!
Excellent poem
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An excellent read John ... with each new write, another facet of you!
All the best in the contest
Suzie Q
x
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wow. Your imagery is so powerful. It enhances a feeling of detachment, sadness, the weathered, hard life of two souls. Excellent penning
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Wow...simple and potent. Beautifully done.
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Excellent. I enjoyed that, bitter-sweet pennies indeed.
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Hey John
And if you connect those pennies to a mild electric current you'll really get the gist of it!
Great poem/high voltage!
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One word.
Incredible.
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Very well written John. Fragmented bits and pieces all coming together beautifully to make the poem whole and complete.
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A fine work indeed...at first I thought it was a song but it's really not. ...It's a prayer. -c
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I was drawn to this poem by the title. I really like this poem alot. It is very relate-able. i like the narrative feel and the imagery in this poem. It relates to so many senses. Its a universal piece
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i have always loved your imagery. this piece blew my mind and i enjoyed reading it.
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The imagery is quite alarming and ominous.
I get fragments of the picture throughout the poem, and in the end it fits perfectly,like complex puzzle derived from your mind.
Thank you for sharing this poem, Im going to be thinking about it tonight as the shawdows flicker across my windows.
I feel for you, and I hope you are on a roadway to healing.
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Some very startling images here, John. Well done. The alienation speaks loudly, though I am lost with the title. The repetition of white is interesting, too.
I like the fragmentation here, each symbol disconnected yet seeming to build to an overall picture. The coppery taste must be blood.
Best of luck in the contest.
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Lemonade pockets indicates a poor man (as in "champagne tastes and lemonade pockets") although in this case it is an emotional bankruptcy.
Blood certainly has a coppery taste. -
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Ah! Now I see...
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very creative... it shows how you really think and it gives us a glimpse of your mind
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I'm sorry hon.
I hope It goes better
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