Mist on Water
Flowing mist across the water,
Swirling darkly in the gloom
Reflects a face, the will of fate,
The waning of the moon.
Laughing, seething, crying, breathing,
In the murky depths displayed,
A lover gone, a home in ruins,
A new life born, a promise made.
And here I stand, at mist on water,
Staring back into the past,
And pondering what might have been,
A tongue less sharp, a stone not cast.
Might I still be there today,
Among my friends and comrades dear,
Smiling, laughing with each other
Blissfully mirthful, free from fear.
But no, the cursed choice was made,
You cannot always try again,
Into the mist I had to fade,
Reliving memories of now and then.
The salty tear-tracks on my lips
Tell of blood-price, retribution,
My dear one shunned, our household darkened,
Our young life ended, and promise broken.
I always knew it had to be,
I could not always live a crime,
If only I could live through darkness,
And turn away the tide of time.
Then I would see her once again,
The one to whom my heart belongs,
And the place where I was raised,
My childhood haunts, with memories fond.
But I cannot, and live in longing;
Gods cannot always be so fair,
Living under pain of banishment
Is not an easy load to bear.
Looking into mist on water,
Desperately calling up the past
Trying to recall their voices,
Faces of those who breathed their last.
Banished for a harmless error,
A small mistake, and made unknowing,
At the advent of creation,
I chose eternal life and growing.
Now the choice is made and sealed,
But what against? I could not see,
That short life on earth would be more precious
Than growing, lonely, to eternity.
So here I stand, at mist on water,
Knowing my punishment all too well,
A short time only I walked the earth,
Now cut off from my world, I live in hell.
A contest entry
- Write Me Another Life PW's ALLOWED by Intricate Wordsmith.
600 points, ended November 10, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - pre-writes contest by runforrestrun.
700 points, ended November 14, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~ Dark/Morbid ~ by XMysticalNightmareX.
550 points, ended November 19, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Are we the waiting? by just sam.
700 points, ended December 4, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Constructive criticism, please?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
This is a wonderful piece, well written and delivered. It is however not really what I was looking for in this particular contest. I am having difficulty seeing the prompt waiting as the overarching theme. If you dispute this please send me a message. Best of luck and thanks for entering
xx Sam -
hey this is a really great poem!!! i just couldnt keep my eyes of it wow! thank you so much for entering this contest and good luck!
-
-
thanks alot!
-
-
i really enjoyed this, even though it has some rhyme in it when i didn't want rhyme in my contest but this was not forced at all and it was exceptionally done and well written. fantastic work.


-
-
so sorry about the rhyme, I must not have seen it. I will be more careful next time.
-
-
very sad....the feeling throughout this piece is just breathtaking..i felt character's uneasiness..the pain..the hesitation..wonderfully woven together.compact and distinct..


-
-
thanks alot!
-
1 - 7 of 7




