Can't Stop Wondering

When you don't for a long time
You start to wonder if you should again
It's not like its a crime
I can't stop wondering if i should

I don't know why I want to
But it's overcoming my mind
How about you?
Do you ever think on it to start again?

I used to everyday
It hurt alot of people including me
But its all my mind has to say
Just do it once more it won't hurt

I ask but why it was so hard to stop
Just once, one more time you know you want to
So I went to the old hill top
And there it was the box

The box of my painful memories
I sat and looked through it
Inside there are so many old enemys
The drugs, the alcohol, and the ........

The Blade still blood stained
I stared at it for 3 hours
Remembering how my life was drained
By the blade I hold in my hand

I sit with the blade to my wrist
Not pressing on it not pulling it away
I made a fist
And slit one cut into my arm

I can't stop thinking now
I want to keep doing it
I want to stop thinking about it but how?
I just can't stop its driving me insane

I stare at the cut
I cover the cut
I hide the cut
I wont let no one see the cut

But it doesnt matter I know its there and im going crazy all i want is to keep cutting this shit isnt good i dont want to end up like i was befor but untill then we shall see