maybe if I had loved her more
she wouldn't have murdered the sun
out of spite ---
she severed my world bleak
and a faceless grave now four years old
remains buried deep.
A contest entry
- Abortion; by Naridill.
539 points, ended November 12, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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COOL
its nice i like it
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why is it that i log on before i go to bed and go through some i've missed since being sick, and i read this? do you know how very much i just want to hug you right now? the sensitivity in this makes me cry. so often we hear it's the womans choice, but here you use a deeply private (or not so anymore) situation to show the male's perspective of it. oh, wow, matt. 4 years... and still showing that deeply buried sometimes remains on the surface of our thoughts.
this hurts to read.
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sad.
i dont think abortion is that bad.
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it is when you have no say in it
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it takes two to tango.
dont blame the woman. -
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no offense but you should probably fuck off with comments like that when you don't know the situation.
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I could say the same to you.
No offense, but how do you know the situation a woman is in when she is pregnant and alone?
Im not pro abortion but nor am I against it. I understand it and the reason behind it sometimes.
The poem you wrote sadly points the finger at women and I find that unfair.
There my two cents worth. And i baked you some cookies
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this poem is PERSONAL based on a personal situation so I'm fairly certain I know.
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" I understand it and the reason behind it sometimes. "
Sometimes.
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This makes me want to punch you, so I guess you succeeded. I felt this, but to an extent - the words you choose feel the prompt, the guilt, but the piece itself was missing something to connect.
It doesn't seem like a bitter whiny rant as most are. In saying that - I think you are stretching your limits with this one, you have written poetically what others write whiny but it's the same message. The same ignorance, I seem to read. Black and white, where is the gray?
Gah; but the poetry is amazing. And I am a crackhead. -
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there isn't much gray between death and life; it all seems fairly black and white to me. this was a very personal poem unfortunately so thank you for creating this contest as an outlet for that.
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There is a lot of gray.
But I told you I was a crackhead.
I read this over and over and I knew I would fail.
I knew you weren't as simple as I was making it out to be.
I just read entries and they stifled my skin
and then I completely made an ass out of myself.. x_x
I am the person with the fork in power socket.
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lol nope. not at all.
I probably am as simple as you were making it out to be. -
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No; I get it, after being electrified.
Maybe I was looking too hard to find hidden meaning that I just wandered away from the obvious that was written in black and white.
If I apologized for my stupidity.. would it matter?
[p.s it's a shame stupidity isn't painful, I once quoted from Crowley].
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I have yet to see where stupidity has come into play lol any poem is open to interpretation
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I know, I know.
Baby perspective - Your perspective.
Are we getting any closer to my stupidity? -
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lol ding, ding...I wrote it so that you could interpret it either way...but it was cathartic in a sense that it is a personal story (told from my perspective).
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You enjoying toying.
Gr to pretending you can't blatantly see stupidity plastered on my face.
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a.m.a.z.i.n.g
wow this is a great poem its very...deep and intense! great job!
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Intensely written and totally original
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the last two lines completed this perfectly
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i love the first two and last two lines of this poem the most.
"and a faceless grave now four years old
remains buried deep."
stunningly sad
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Beautiful poem with such sadness to it but it sounds like there might be a double meaning to it? Great job on this piece. Thank you for letting me read your lovely poem.
Brook -
nicee. the ending was perfect.
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how do you make everything so wonderfully deep? now i have a little wet stuff in my eyes
it stirred a little something i was thinking about today.
this is one of those writes that stays with you for a day or two, bouncing around in your head, stirring up emotions & making you think.
a very strong & clever piece, sweet matty-cakes - great work xx
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Makes me want to cry.
You definitely got your point across here. Well done, Matt.
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Great work but u knew that!
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you chose words carefully in this piece. awesome job! it's perfect.
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so sad, hon.
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"she severed my world bleak
and a faceless grave now four years old" i loved those lines
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No words for this one.
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This is extremely effecting and beautifully written.
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damn good poem. Is that a play on words I see in there? Lovely, and heart breaking. The title is 100% perfect, it sets a great tone for the whole poem.
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nice catch
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haha I try
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L2 and 3 are painfully good
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Gut wrenching C
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Damn....So sad and expressed in such a beautiful way. Amazingly, sorrowfully, beautiful!
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