The distraction was in plain sight
the plan underway,
the ideal suitor smiling oh-so perfectly with flowers
waiting.
He smiled flawlessly,
fawned with utmost insincerity,
put her right where they wanted her.
[Red circles panned out from under her as she stood in amazement at the diamond]
Bound by a promise ring,
a form of kidnapping that should be recorded in history
[And here I thought I had been screwed by the best of them.]
Her family circled her with halos and hand
and a gleam in their eyes.
They grinned perfectly,
Cooed and giggled with genuine delight,
And grasped missiles of hurt between crossed fingers.
Suddenly,
Each dart pinned her tighter against the fire-engine red bulls-eye
until a consensus was made:
Medication
[to silence cries of individuality, bound wings of freedom]
or
Abandonment
[to distance themselves from imperfection, stifle creativity]
She was too dangerous with her merry cheeks and hand full of kings and queens.
Too dangerous to be let loose.
Too dangerous to give others the same idea
that new thoughts
are actually
okay.
But when family trumps happiness,
What can you do except
smile,
pop the pills,
silence the blood-curling scream from within.
Author notes
It's rough and raw and needs to be redone. And the title is a disgrace. Help!!
But it's my thoughts on a particular issue between my friend and her family. She wants to be free, they want her to live up to the perfect standards that society embraces.
What do you think about this? How would you make it better?
Comments
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this was an awesome poem, and the first poem I've read in a while. Things have been busy.
I think we all can in many ways relate to this poem especially as poets. I guess the title depends on how direct you want it. The Fallen Leaf would work as it is a metaphor to symbolize the family tree, but if you initially want that known then The Family Tree's Fallen Leaf, which to me sounds like a mouthful.
That is just a sugestion of mine. I have known many in the same situation as your friend, and as a friend it is hard to stand by to witness this. It's a mystery to me why people feel so driven to impose their lifestyle on others, rather a vision of a lifestyle that they think they're supposed to have. Our desires to impress people are rediculous, because at the end of the day, we are left to answer to 1 person, and that is oneself.
Why conform to the supposed Brave New World of evil lust and jealousy disguised as compassion and purity. I find it hard myself to survive treading water in this constantly rising tide of monotonous idiocrasy. It's all just a foolish movie with an already spoiled ending with no name actors. -
awesome
Very good write. I don't really think it needs to be changed but then again i'm a bit of an amateur. Your friend can tell them to kiss her non-conforming butt. no. joking. that's mean and not very tactful. Best of luck for your friend. It's hard to tell people no.
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Haha, that's what I said. Thank you for your thoughts. If you come up with any suggestions for a better title, please let me know!
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i'm not really good on titles. one of my friends asked me to name one of her poems and i named it Too Much Of Me and everybody that has commented on it so far thinks she's talking about being fat when really it's about a guy. oh well lol
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