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The Girl That Lives Inside of Me

Stained with grass all down my legs
With mud caked on my knees
Blistered feet and knotted hair
That's all you'll ever see

Don't take the time to talk to me
'Cause you'll never hear my words
Each time I speak your eyes fade out
And I know you just see birds,

The ones behind me, as I speak
You look right through my eyes
Pretend you care about my life
And all the tears I cry

Well I've got a message just for you
So don't try to block this out
I'm so much more than what you see
I'm gonna ruin all your doubts

You think I'm just some soccer girl
That only lives to play
But there's so much more inside of me
So much I have to say

And I really don't care if you give a damn
'Cause you're never gonna see
The person that I really am
The girl that lives inside of me.

A contest entry

be critical i am not sure if this poem is actually good or not im not good at judging my own writing

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • JinSays gold member
    November 20
    Edit | Reply
    you go soccer girl amen.
    love,
    jin


  • RikkiRae silver member
    November 14

    Edit | Reply
    You have written a truly realistic poem that had all the emotions of frustration and disapointment. The poem flowed well and even though there was so much pai that was obvious, I believe that you showed glimpses of your true self, your hopes and the need to be accepted as the young woman you really are.


  • X.brokenlover.X
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    This was very well done! i really liked how you took the time to truly describe your feelings for the sport. i'm not much into soccer as tennis! but hey same basic concept right? lol great job and thanks for entering! good luck!


  • wannabebandie
    November 4
    Edit | Reply
    i feel that way so many days! i love soccer soo much


  • troubleinthenight
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    There's alot of people out there that can't see beyond to what's inside of a person. Too many if you ask me. It's all about appearance. This was a great write and will read more of your poems.


  • Sheilasbabygal4life gold member
    November 3

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very well written piece that you have written here. I enjoyed reading this. It was very good. It was enjoyable too read. THank you for entering and best of luck too you in the contest.


  • bunnyslasher157
    November 3

    Edit | Reply

    Judge

    I Fell in love with this. It's true, that you should stand up for yourself and don't care what others think and that you're going to ruin their doubts. You've been invited to the next round!! Good luck and keep writing!!

1 - 7 of 7