Sadness spreads its wings,
Like an ominous cloud of dust,
Over them
She waits everyday to see his face,
Behind the rusted door of tears
He stands alone, waiting for the day
When she meets his sunken, aged face
Life split them apart
Happiness touched their core,
When hearts intertwined
Their youthful souls
She remembers the day when,
Her stomach formed an unfamiliar butterfly
And her heart skipped a bit too many beats
She saw him
He remembers the flight of zooming stairs, he ran
Just so he could watch her leave the door,
Forever
Disappointment in his spirit, he had never felt more
Fate met, and their eyes touched again
The soul that exists in the skies
Of their beings, converged…
Alas, life plays with the souls of lost and found
With undying hope they waited...
Until
She let her last breath
And
His air touched hers
Silent tears spread in the joyful air
Of soft caresses from lovers tender
At last
They were one…
Author notes
just trying to come out of writer's block.....
this is terribly frustrating
CATEGORY 2
Tell a Story
Commented on Love can - by j u d m c
e v e r s h i n e - 9 0
A contest entry
- 3 catagories! 3 poem limit! Prewrites accepted! by Candice Bezanson.
1200 points, ended November 18, 99 entries
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Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Aw this was such a touching piece.
My favorite part was:
Until
She let her last breath
And
His air touched hers
Its just so sad, but I enjoyed your poem alot. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
~Vampy
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Thank you so much for your wonderful comment!
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Awwww
This touched my heart to tears!
Wonderfully and beautifully poignant this is!
Thank you so much for sharing and for being part of this contest!
Good luck to you!
~Heavenly~ -
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Thank you so much !
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I thought this was very lovely and touching. It tells a story of life and love and regret. Beautifully written, i enjoyed reading it.
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Thank you for your comment
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Until
She let her last breath
And
His air touched hers
Silent tears spread in the joyful air
Of soft caresses from lovers tender
At last
They were one…
those were the best lines you have written great poem! thanks for entering and good luck -
Working out of writer's block is terribly hard to do and I won't critique you too hard because I know some of my worst writes came off trying to break the block and so it's probably not entirely accurate to your skills. But this poem was nice, it was an effective love story, had its moments and had some ethereal pictures.
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Thank you, Appreciate your comment!
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Soft and tender
Until
She let her last breath
And
His air touched hers
Silent tears spread in the joyful air
Of soft caresses from lovers tender
At last
They were one…
these were perfect
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Thank you!
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This was pretty good. It was interesting. Did he die first then they met up when she died? This was really good, thanks for the entry and good luck.
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Thank you, hehe well i'm leaving that to your imagination
it's a little incomplete in that area, i've left that to the reader's perspective of this poem
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Hey
Sis, No leave this poem like it is. Its beautiful and amazin. U do a great job and have alsome talent. I can so relate to this poem. Oustandin job. Keep da ink flowin
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Thanks!
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If this is the kind of poem you write when you are "trying to come out of writer's block" I dont know what kind you would write when you are out of it.
I loved this piece. It is so sad, and the imagery you have used is so effective I could almost empathize with her even though I have never been in such a situation!!! Very beautifully written. Luv ya♥
oh by the way - I think youve gotten over your block. This poem says it all
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Lol, ahh I like writing rhymes and i'm not able to put myself up for the task!! yes that's writer's block for me
thank you so much
<3 ya
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Just let your spirit speak, close your eyes and let the keys be struck by your own inner divinity.
I love the poem and somehow I see the love lost eternal finally regained on the last breath from mother earth.
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Thank you so much for your beautiful comment!
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The beginning almost made this sound as if the man had been put away in jail and the two had to wait until he was released to be together again. This piece was well penned, and the word choice added to this poem. The line breaks were a wonderful push towards the viewing of the imagery, and the sadness breaking through to joy was felt in my heart.
Wonderful write and thank you for sharing! -
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Thank you for your amazing comment on this poem Really appreciate it
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