we once painted stars
with smiles
filled with feelings,
that whiled-away wishes
to whispered eclipse
yet darkness dared soul
to shimmer...then cease,
as emotions escaped
beneath
kohl-cloaked expressions.
Author notes
Prompt: "the last meteor... seems a bit dim"
i counted the hyphenated words as 1 word & not 2, therefore this counts as 29 & not 31. 
Title: raspberry or rasberry?
A contest entry
- Morning Quickie VIII by crivanea.
400 points, ended November 3, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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"rays of raspberry" - love that.
Love the whole thing here, La.
I think I just got owned.
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wow....what a poem!! love the use of alliteration in the first stanza...whiled-away wishes to whispered eclipse...and if i'm not hearing it wrong..great rhyme with that as well
...as for the second stanza...i think i need to read it a few more times...the first time i read it..i though only the first and last stanza was needed and that the second stanza is not needed..but then i re-read it again..and thought that the second served as a good intermediate..although ..personally..i think the word choice in the second is not as strong as the first and last ...and the title is right..raspberry yumm..i really want some right now lol...overall a most impressive piece of work
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Laura ~
your title is right . . . raspberry.
you captured the prompt in an amazing way, as always.
For such a short write, you've captured
something that hits deeply. Well done!
Love, Zach Estel. -
Brillent use of words and peotic for, you as always weave magic, Love John
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Such choice words and imagery you have painted here ...Brilliant! I wish you well in the contest!
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