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clean sliced heart

That’s a clean sliced heart
your xXxstitchingxXx there,
p  u  l  l your threads tight.
:no: don’t br eak.
Your kisses are my [[Novocain]]
Suppress the thoughts of
my darling;; .suicide.
The /scalpel/ in her hand.
A t h o u s a n d (silent) tings;
I can feel it now.
She dropped me.
I’m F
A
L
L
I
N
G.
C    me .H
A T C
Finish please,

Author notes

comments, or any ideas for revision are greatly appreciated.

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Comments


  • littlegirlapril
    November 12
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    i like this a lot. SOOO much better than my first try. better than any of my dirtypretty. i admire your punctuation. i was never good at it [ i recently revised mine and took almost all my punctuations out]. any way, i love the feel of this<3

  • Annorlunda
    November 3

    Edit | Reply

    Incredible

    This was a fantastic poem. I write in a style similar to this, so I can appreciate it. You however, are miles better than me. You're far more creative and extravagant for a start. You utilise the visual aspect of the poem to it's maximum extent and really play around with language. In particular I liked these bits:

    'xXxstitchingxXx'

    'p u l l your threads tight.'

    ':no: don’t br eak.'

    'The /scalpel/ in her hand.'

    AND (the best of the lot)

    C me .H
    A T C

    It was very educational to me actually, and showed just how far I have to go in my own poetic development. I will read a few more of your poems, in hope of learning a little bit more. But this was magnificent, the best poem i've read on here in my one and half days of membership so far.