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you'd never catch me

"i’m pretty sure the wind just inhaled more of that than i did."

- - -


it would suck: constantly moving, only catching glimpses of lives,
seeing your own destruction, putting out cigarettes, encouraging fires,
only inhaling bits and pieces of left over smoke.

but i would see everything, i would touch everything,
be a part of everyone’s world. always there,
constantly moving, ever changing,
never ever stuck or broken.

some nights i’d pass over chicago, licking
the el track and feeling the skin
of couples on a ferris wheel near lake
michigan. others, i would sneak into kitchen
windows, and for a moment, smell home.

someday i will die and my family will plant
a tree in memory of my roots and growth.
then, once my leaves open themselves,
the wind will pass and i will follow
letting myself fall into constant reincarnation.




Author notes

i hope this works to some degree.
i recognize it's not my best.


please be critical in your comment.
thanks.
peace to all ~flight

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Comments

  • unraveled
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    content/creativity- 36
    execution/form- 36
    cohesion/balance- 16
    Total- 88

    I really like the last two stanzas; I think they are a poem within itself without the first parts. "It would suck" is a bit awkward to start out with, since it's not the most poetic of lines. "licking the el track and feeling the skin of couples on a ferris wheel" I love love love that image.

    I think this poem is beautiful. You might consider condensing the first two stanzas into one, taking out a few images, but I do like what's there. The quote you have at the beginning seems to relate to the rest only tangentially in that it's about the wind. Otherwise, it makes me wonder if that's where you started and ended up in a completely different place.


    Still, I really liked this piece, I just tried to be as critical as I could since you asked for it in your author's notes
    Cassidy


  • acoustical
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    BAHHHH AMAZEMENT

    "some nights i’d pass over chicago, licking
    the el track and feeling the skin
    of couples on a ferris wheel near lake
    michigan. others, i would sneak into kitchen
    windows, and for a moment, smell home."

    that was my FAVORITE.
    flight flight flight
    ap loves you