i wish i wasn't waves
or a hit-and-run
hurt
or an agony absorbed
by ailing hesitations
but i am formed
as foundation
of wall
precariously poised
as fragility's edifice...
because i can't kill a coffin
that cannot grieve.
Author notes
Prompt:;
"We are but bad imitations of fish
drowning in water."
A contest entry
- Prompt; 12 Entries. Semi-quickified. by Naridill.
403 points, ended November 3, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I like the subtle anger here, or is it just me? You metaphors and emotion are so vivid and intense, I love it - mmm *eats poem*
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nope, not just you.
there's a simmering of anger beneath the words.
you always just "get me".
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that title really caught my eyes...and then i read this...wow..you're amazing with metaphor.. ...i don't get to read much from you..but this is amazing....short in its brevitiy..but great in its depth..well done
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thanks chick
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A most deep and moving poem, you weave an emotion filled piece, great job, John
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thanks John.
i hope you're well.
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That first stanza really grabbed me. I love the feel of this and how you move us through these ideas. Excellent write. I'm sure you will do well in the contest!
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thank you.
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There is something so compelling about death and the lingering effects it has on people still alive, we simply have no one to rage against if the person who is gone it the perpetrator of our anger. Yet we grieve like death is the final insult that leaves us with no closure. I like this C
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it's the same when circumstance kills too. when one has no place to put it, they can only internalize it & so it manifests itself and magnifies. how can one ever fill a void that only knows how to grow? it's like trying to drown in a sea that keeps spitting you back out...like you somehow can't even succeed at being a failure. i need to shut up.
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Yes I know it well enough...
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