Unspeakable secrets

I have a story that's buried deep within
horrors of a broken past
of unspeakable secrets and a torrent of lies

A childhood spent living in fear
cowering in corners
afraid of the beast
that towered over us
full of rage

Intense pain felt
when whipped and beaten
red angry weals appearing
over my body

Then mind games played
messing up my head
putting me down
calling me names

I can't do this, i can't do that
I'm too stupid, to know that
not allowed an opinion
nor imagination it seems
you ripped up my drawings
and said they were no good

Beatings, shouting, fighting went on
as i duck away from the thrown furniture
heading my way
and just as it misses me
it smashes out the window
with a mighty loud crash

she takes to the bottle
to drown out her sorrow
not a care for us it seems
only her selfishness showing through

He drags her upstairs by her hair
the monster is unleashed
i can't listen to the piercing screams
are they coming from her or
is that my own voice i hear

I am not loved
they've made it apparently so

In fact i'm actually hated, they said that

I was a mistake, you see

should never have been born

OK! I could just about live with that

you don't like me, that's fine

then she tells me it's all my fault

I'm to blame for her misery

as a victim of domestic abuse

but what about me

all the pain I've endured

why do you not care about that

I am your daughter, your meant to help me

but no, my pain and suffering doesn't count

because i caused it all you see

just by being born

My fathers rage beating down on all of us

my mother turning to drink

what do i do, where do i go for help

how do i escape this life of hell 

As i cut into my own skin, to let it bleed

i stop eating, overdose, i want to be dead

I reach out and tell a someone

but they tell me don't be silly

Pull yourself together, get on with your life

it couldn't have been that bad

and there are people worse off than you

that's what they tell me

So it stays buried deep within

nowhere for it to go, no outlet it seems

but it's not as simple as that

I'm not coping, I'm falling apart

Cutting, Not eating, overdose

it's all rearing it's ugly head

i wish i were dead!