Lost deeply in her empty daze
for so unsettled are her ways
Weeping crocodile tears is not crying
drying away her fears
Razored droplets mute appeal
dark fantasy cannot reveal
Needs blessing of her peers in her stalling
falling into arrears
As the leopard hunts in darkness
so vigilant in loneliness;
know either one may dream of tomorrow
Sorrow inside her scream
Author notes
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4503039
This very interesting villanelle by Summer Daze was my prompt
I will probably get back to this and play a bit more
A contest entry
- Unusual Form Round 3 by Little Eagle.
600 points, ended November 26, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Critical feedback definitely wanted
Comments
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loved it
enjoyed reading it very much...good luck in this contest and be aware of the spelling error in second line of second stanza.
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Thanks error should be better now
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Hi Mate
Raz/or/ed drop/lets mute a/ppeal is how I found my 8 but I use colonial pronunciation which may be different to American
If so let me know and I can alter that line easily enough
Thankyou for input
All critical feedback warmly recieved
peter -
Great working of the form! Seems to be spot on except the first line of the second quatrain, it has 7 syllables.
Interesting take on the poem you chose. This was enjoyable!
Best wishes,
K
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