What Can I do,
To show what I feel.
For, all I care about you
That very care reflects ill.
One who wants no love,
Though claims to crave it
One who is afraid ,
But does nothing for it
One who hates uncertainty
While uncertainty claims them
One who deserves much more
And shies from their inheritance
All the while cyclicality breaks hearts.
No one will ever be happy again.
No one likes you like I like you,
And thats not right .
A contest entry
- Prewrites!!!!! With a twist by darkscorpia.
400 points, ends December 8, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Hm, the rest of the poem flows great, but the very last line seems inconsistent with the flow of your poem. It's kind of a weird way to end it, but changing "good" will probably do the trick. Still, a good write. =)
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hm, i thought i had already changed that... odd. anyways thanks
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I like what you're saying.
Try using more elegant wording to make it more appealing to read.
For example:
"No one likes you like I like you,
And thats not good."
I didn't like the word choice of "good". But that's my opinion
Keep working!!
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