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Nature has Cancer



He snipped his soul
in silence, in sorrow
giving his lungs

another day 
for none to see
how he fell from her grace
how he felt her skin
softly calling

til his ears shattered

of our timeless song.

She was cold
too frigid and distant
to be his drug
his wings
his freedom;


but once in tangled weeds
and gravel I found love,
as his eyes became bleak like
oblivion-
  

          I became stacked smoke fields

and the grave I made
was of matches
and rolled up dreams;


if you could see him fly,
back to her life
how he filled her,
mixed her
became her


while I blew my life away

knowing

 

           there's nothing like a free bird

 

 

 

because free birds don't exist.

Author notes

cigarettes
and
birds



♥

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • tidoubleguher
    November 22
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is absolutely stunning; I thoroughly enjoyed the very beginning. It grabbed my attention. Nicely penned


  • Adamastor
    November 22
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    Loved The Title

    Hello there, allow me to introduce myself. I am Adamastor. I enjoyed reading the title of the poem on your profile, and I enjoyed looking at the picture you have of iTunes, because I too admire the works of the rock band Lacuna Coil. Christina Labbia has one of the best voices in the rock music industry. Anyway, this poem was good and worth a score of 3 applause, but since I am new to allpoetry, I can only afford to give you a score of one. Please do not let this get you down-hearted. The comment I'm leaving is worth 3 times as much as the score in applause I'm physically leaving. Thank You,
    Adamastor.


  • Beauty-INBreakdown
    November 16

    Edit | Reply
    I love everything about this poem fits its so deep and so true. i love it xo


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    November 14

    Edit | Reply
    you always amaze me with your words I love it!


  • TrulyLoothy
    November 7
    Edit | Reply
    nice flow good job


  • Obani
    November 7
    Edit | Reply
    WIN!

  • try2changeme
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    That was really wonderful. The best thing was, it was different. It wasn't nonsense, and rambled words put together, there were deep emotions portrayed inside of the poem. Great job..

  • Brook-1 gold member
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    A very interesting and deep poem. I like the way you wrote it and where you came from on it. Thank you for the opportunity of letting me read it.
    Brook

  • heylookaneuphemism
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    I think the title is an outstanding introduction to the piece. I also disagree with a previous commentator. There is nothing mawkish or maudlin about this effective use of metaphor! This is precisely emotional and thus the edge it carries, nicely written. My fave parts:

    "how once found in tangled weeds
    and gravel, calling him love
    and his eyes became bleak like
    oblivion

    I was stacked smoke fields

    and the grave I made
    was of matches
    and rolled up dreams;"

    OUTSTANDING !!

    there are a couple of areas that cause speed bumps in this.
    1. "and doth I love him"

    reason-the use of "doth" appears odd in this as a whole. I think that line could be edited out and there would be no ill effect to the piece.

    2. "I just blew my life away"

    reason-I know your use of "just" it to indicate the immediacy of the action, however it seems like a filler word and minmimizes the destruction of your life and what you know.

    On the whole, this piece is outstanding emotionally. Creative and fresh in presenting the prompt. In my humble opinion, you deserve more than mawkish and maudlin....that is a shame.

    2.


  • cvillelisa
    November 5

    Edit | Reply


    A bit too much mawkish maudlin here for me. Here is the line that I would hold onto:

    and the grave I made
    was of matches
    and rolled up dreams;

    only I'd not have it be a grave but a bed -- but that's me and this is your pome.

    Thanks for entering.

    Best,
    Lisa


  • ZachP
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    you have a wonderful way with words; lovely.
    let that be your thing; your star to brighter days.
    this is just ~amazing~
    you wrote the hell out of this prompt.

    Lotsa Love,
    Zach Estel
    s


  • ParadoxVictory85
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    Awe-woman, I'm a fan! Another great work. Favorite part:"She was cold
    too frigid and distant"
    oOo and yo this reminded me of a song..."There's a good reason these tables are number honey" By Panic at the Disco...if you get a listen. YooouWriter!


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    i think with the end, i will have to disagree, but then again freedom does come with a price. some pay it some don't, sad poem that feels like the girl has given up hope, keep it flowing


  • Desire gold member
    November 3

    Edit | Reply

    Wow~

    Now this is one Unique verse but Beautifully penned~ the weaving of words grab the Reader and holds on tight~
    I felt compelled to read again~ Oy!
    Your use of Metaphors is Brilliant and I learn much~
    Can't help but want to inhale every line-
    Bravo!!
    Keep that quill dancing
    Thank You for sharing Your Voice Beautiful
    Best wishes in the contest~
    with love & light~ Desire~*~


  • Play-A-War
    November 3

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow, this is really good !

    And i just love this use of imagery to do with smoking:
    "and the grave I made
    was of matches
    and rolled up dreams"

    really nice piece.


  • Puppydog gold member
    November 3

    Edit | Reply

    VERY DIFFERENT!!!

    I like it though, you use people for each one and the contrast is vivid.

1 - 16 of 16