pause.

ok fine.
let me give you the facts.
perhaps not the most poetic form,
but the most truthful right now.

i am fifteen.

fifteen is an age with responsibilities.
chores, family, school,
find a summer job, put in a little effort,
clubs, sports, homework.

fifteen is an age with some extra leash.
allowances, driving,
curfews, cell phones,
facebook, vacations.

fifteen is an age for fun.
friends, parties, raves,
travel, sailing, band,
lacrosse, frisbee.

but

fifteen is such a young age,

and we meet so many people,
and are so influenced.

i'm sorry.


but i don't think this can work out for me.




don't get me wrong,
i do care.
you don't have to believe me,
but i do. a lot.

but sometimes....

i'm a little scared to get too attached,
and this is that.

i'll miss you,
and i'll miss you often,
i won't lie.

but i can't make such a commitment at such an age,
and yes,
i'm giving up,
i'm giving in,
but i think that's the right thing to do here.

and since i don't know what's right and wrong,
maybe that's not so bad.


i know this kills you.
i know it hurts.
and i know that you'll hate me for a long time.
this is a trainwreck,
and its gonna take time to clean up.

but honestly?
reality has hit me in a million different ways,
and i can't deal with being hit a million times
over
and over
and over again.

i care.
i love.
this is it, though.