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a coddled child

I remember the time when you answered
the door with no clothes on and a cigarette in your mouth.
Your tourniquet was your memory,
always reminded me of you,
always wrapped around your arm
like a coddled child.


You flicked ashes at me smiling
as I came inside and tried to avert my eyes.
You see, I'd seen the world inside of many women
and I felt safe there but never with you,
I never felt safe.


You spiraled in and out of depression
and some long lost torment of childhood
reaching up out from inside of your ribcage
scraping at my soul.


I wanted to save you
but you can't save someone
who doesn't want to be saved.


I pulled you so many times,
out of a toilet,
out of a bed,
out of the slums.



I gave you all that I had
and I don't hate you,
I don't hate you at all.

I miss you.
I miss every fold of your skin,
every corner and inch of you,
every lipstick-smeared smile,
every ever-changing color of your hair
and every needle you left as a present
to remind me that I love a girl
who is damned.


So I smiled smugly and crawled into the
bed with you when you were home
(for once)
and I held you as you were shaking;
shaking from the lack of drugs,
shaking from the remainders of yesterday,
shaking from the pain.


And one day I hope you will smile at me
without tired eyes,
without the makeup,
without the track marks
and the needles to help you along.


One day, I hope you will love me too.

Author notes

Someone who loves a drug addict but isn't a drug addict.
The drug addict is a prostitute, taking drugs and doing all kinds of things to escape the pain of her past and everyday life.


The someone who loves her loves her purely and unconditionally but believes the girl they are in love with, doesn't love them back but that's okay, they don't need that validation.

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Comments


  • whiterabbit.
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    This made me want to cry. Honestly, you BETTER publish a book someday

    "I wanted to save you
    but you can't save someone
    who doesn't want to be saved."

    ^^^^goddd that is too true.


    This is heartbreaking and amazing.
    You were right. I LOVE this
    ♥