To Claire

I chastised myself again today;
it was another day I stood in silence
and didn’t speak out to take you as my own.
I vaulted myself up,
felt uneasy when I presented you a cold shoulder
and worse when I got home
where you weren’t here with me.

I wish you weren’t so kind-natured
so that you’d have no other friends
and I could keep you to myself,
your weight on mine as we blend into each other
under a heavy duvet on an old sofa
because there’s nothing better
we could possibly be doing.

I saw into your eyes,
so trusting and happy it almost broke me,
and I saw everything I’d never be
and everything I’d always want to.
When they shine so assuredly
I can barely tell when the day ends
and the night seems infinitely empty when it comes.

I wish that you would read this, Claire;
I wish I had the belief to show it to you.