When born, the proverbial slate is clean.
New, all senses are seen
until first thought approaches near,
the pen he holds is what you hear.
As he grew in years, words did flow
like water rushing to and fro.
He had prominence and recognition
'till requiems were done.
Through all his many days as laureate,
it's that his muse, she was.
Close they were unable to put apart
but death, it was, the one to break her heart.
Author notes
Inspired of: http://allpoetry.com/poem/5507589 by Haygood Wryter... he will be sorely missed. lol
A contest entry
- Unusual Form Round 3 by Little Eagle.
600 points, ended November 30, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please give me suggestions on what I could do to make this better. I will reward those to whomever asks and critiques with suggestions I can work with. And Thank you for reading.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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First off.. I admire that you wrote a poem, about another poet that has passed from this Earth...
... Some things that I noticed within this work are: the 2nd stanza.. The first two verses followed the rhyme scheme that you had layed out. but the following two did not... breaking the flow of the words.. same with the first two verses in the 3rd stanza..
A very deep and emotional poem, one of great pride. Such work is hard to come by in these days, as many peots do no write from the heart... but from the mind.
Very good job... I think the poet that you wrote this for, would be greatly proud that you thought of him..
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Thank you for your entry
A good poem. The flow was a little stilted in places.
The form's rhyme scheme was off in the ten and six syllable lines as the b rhyme was to be within the ten syllable line instead of a end rhyme. Then you have a few lines that were out of syllable count and your last stanza was just totally blown for syllable count. Please see my rubric below for further details.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy
Criteria
20-18
Exceptional
17-14
Innovative
13-10
Commendable
9-6
Competent
5-1
Emerging
Score
Prompt Development
Expresses and develops meaningful and original perspective on prompt
Expressive and developed treatment of the prompt
Adequate focus and development
Some focus on prompt but lacks development
Unfocused and unclear
15
Organization
Form of poem appropriately and powerfully addresses the subject , each line focuses on prompt
Form of poem is appropriate to the subject, focus maintained throughout
Form of poem is appropriate to the subject focus maintained throughout
Form of poem is appropriate to the subject, focus maintained throughout
Form is poorly constructed, focus is not maintained throughout
5
Poetic Language & Imagery
Sensory details and figurative language create vivid images that contribute significantly to the meaning of the poem; sound devices such as rhyme, alliteration, or onomatopoeia are used effectively to contribute to the meaning of the poem
Sensory details, figurative languages and sound devices contribute to the meaning of the poem
Sensory details, figurative language and sound devices may be overused, underused or inappropriate to the topic
Confusing or inappropriate use of sensory details, figurative language or sound devices
No use of sensory details, figurative language or sound devices
13
Use of Language
Word choice is vivid and exact throughout; grammar, mechanics and usage are correct, enhancing the thoughts and images
Precise word choice; no error in grammar, spelling and mechanics
Word choice occasionally vague, repetitive or imprecise; few errors in grammar, mechanics or usage
Word choices tend to be vague, repetitive or imprecise;
Consistently difficult to understand due to errors in grammar, mechanics and usage
13
Overall Impact
Poem captivates and inspires reader; is an excellent representation of the prompt/form
Poem attracts reader’s attention; is a good representation of the prompt/form
Poem is adequate and provides a reasonable representation of the prompt/form
Poem lacks inspiration
Poem fails to inspire
13
Total
59/100
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good work
enjoyed reading your piece...good luck in the round
my fav part is:
Through all his many days as laureate,
it's that his muse, she was.
Close they were unable to put apart
but death, it was, the one to break her heart.
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This is clever and cute!! Great take on the poem you chose!
Best wishes,
k
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This should have some folks crying...
it almost made me
I sure am going to miss me...LOL You did a good job with the form and putting the pressure on. 
I like the 2nd stanza best;
As he grew in years, words did flow
like water rushing to and fro.
He had prominence and recognition
'till requiems were done.
Oh, oh...there goes those worms...
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