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before sleep



my face is hot
my knuckles draped in
stretched plastic
crackled and
smooth
my fingertips are
aware
with a pulse
fear makes my belly hurt
like years of hunger
like lies
i'm on the outskirts of
relief
where the ache becomes
heat
rising to my throat
to my eyes
i feel the
space between my ears
like consciousness
flourescence without sound
a gaping mouth
a cave with teeth
a great black sphere

filled with you


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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • miss.misery
    2 days ago
    Edit | Reply
    your face IS hot.
    sorry, i had to.


  • World So Cold
    November 5
    Edit | Reply
    Cool. Keep writing.


  • Twilight-Mist
    November 5
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this. It's real, it's suffering. Well done.


  • taoareyou
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    To me, it's a very visceral description of the physical sensations of someone obsessed. Well done.


  • Debbydoes
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    wow, I'm not sure I fully understand what this is about, first of all I don't get the part about "my knuckles stretched in plastic".

    I'm missing something here.

    I love the lines 21 and 22...most excellent usage!

    I like the descriptiveness of the pain, from hunger , from lies.

    I don't have to fully understand a piece to intuitively know the general feel of the poem, and I feel that it is an excellent write. I'm totally ignorant of some things in life. Feel free to educate me!


  • ElectricStarrySkies
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    not really my kind of poem but i can still see that it is good. good imagary and good technique. well done.


  • solarjinx
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    jezus, this really was a hard hitter. I think somebody else already said that, but I must agree absolutely. At one point during reading I found myself in awe, then moved towards amazement and finally jolted by your fucking awesome ending. god I REALLY loved those last several lines: from "space between my ears" and on.

    yeah, you got me.


  • metanoia
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    I love how you clip every line. It seems as if it is a collage of incomplete thoughts, but it remains fluid and cohesive. Your poetry never fails to rip me apart, splatter my blood on the walls, piece me back together, and then leave me alone to myself . Horrible analogy, but you get the point.

    "i feel the
    space between my ears
    like consciousness
    flourescence without sound
    a gaping mouth
    a cave with teeth
    a great black sphere

    filled with you"

    This part really hit me hard. I know how it feels to have a presence that never goes away, and eats at every thought in the back of your mind.

    Anyway, this was incredible. I hope to see more writing from you from now on

  • miss.misery
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    you make me want to drop the pen and throw the paper out the window because i can't write masterpieces like this.
    this is damn solid, and eerie. it sounds like a sickness mixed with years of life experience.

1 - 10 of 10