Blustery winds blow
strip me of my leafy shroud
left barren and exposed
Naked, though I am
but for the blizzards ice and snow
dreary skies above
frigid ground below
Vulnerable for the moment
no defense against menacing winds
standing tall as always
yet strong enough to bend
Infinite seasons I have seen
unknown storms that I have weathered
roots planted firmly
yet still stretching towards the sky
An inner elegant beauty
strength that comes from within
here I languish drowsily
until Spring's light and warmth
brings forth each tiny, delicate frond
A contest entry
- winter's promise by Moonlightdragon.
1300 points, ended November 17, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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You beguile with imagery and metaphor so very lovely
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beautiful imagery and metaphor of the life in winter for a tree.
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Exactly how I see it...renewal, rebirth, all things new, but have to go through a process. Well done. Blessings.
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pretty but too wordy
I like the way you start with a haiku. It could be worth keeping to this format, because of the focus on few and simple significant words. The poem begins to suffer from adjective/adverb philia, weakening your message. "languish drowsily" ==> drowse; "infinite seasons" and "unknown storms" just confuse me; "above" and "below" are not necessary. I feel that fewer words will give more meaning. Watch out for the cliches too, we all suffer from this - "inner beauty", "strength from within" - even if the ideas are right, you can find alternative ways to express it. You show great promise with a metaphor and a message - I would recommend to focus on bringing it out in just few words.
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