I Am
Reached
When the
Tears, fears
Spillover, sliding from Us.
When love
Flows from
This Union.
When we Are
All tumbled
andjumbledtogether
When we’ve not even
Room
For air…..
I think when
The French call it
“little deaths”
(le petit mort)
It may be because
Our hearts actually stop
Time and Time again -
When we
Our selves
Are Unified!
I So want to
Help You
Change the minds
And the hearts
Of this Planet.
More than even
My want(s)
Is what I
Need - and that
Is most certainly - You.
You’ve seen it.
You’ve Been There.
It Shows!
Wrapped
Up in You
The Light show
Will Begin
And we’ll wind
Up All a glow……..
And Yes, Dear
Our love
Will Show!
Author notes
If this style bothers you, please let me know and I'll edit for a more traditional look.
Thanks for such a great prompt!
http://www.andreagibson.org/poems/poems_photograph.html
A contest entry
- Photograph by Pamela A Lamppa.
2200 points, ended November 20, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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"andjumbledtogether" That just made me smile. Very clever and creative.
I was a little distracted with all the capital letters used in unusal places and think a more conventional approach would have worked better for this poem.
It is indeed filled with emotion and so round with love, care, and desire. I enjoyed this very much. Thank you for your entry and best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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Ho-hum!
Onthe one hand Ilike the trimmed style, but the prompt caused me to have a very different reaction ('I') which I think you already read, and has led on to another ('Venus and Mars'). People are v different.
E
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Responses, bits and pieces at a time...
Wrapped
Up in You
The Light show
Will Begin
And we’ll wind
Up All a glow……..
It's genius, honestly. Especially these lines. They do well with describing beautiful imagery and putting into words an amazing feeling...
I So want to
Help You
Change the minds
And the hearts
Of this Planet.
I found this sweet...
I think when
The French call it
“little deaths”
(le petit mort)
It may be because
Our hearts actually stop
Time and Time again -
Also sweet-and one of my favorite parts of the poem simply because.
I love it overall. It's gorgeous, and it flows in a lovely way. One little detail that caught me, though, because I'm such a grammar nazi- it will be correct even if you leave it, but you could have joined "a" and "glow" together to make a single word, and it would have worked. That is all.
Keep up the awesomeness, and good luck in the contest.
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I almost went with Aglow - but I decided I liked the idea of them individually glowing for a period of time even after they'd physically parted for a bit.
Thank you so much for the detailed comment/critique. Much appreciated!
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Good Poem
.... I enjoyed this one my favorite line though I have to say is "andjumbledtogether" you wrote it like you meant it. I liked the no spaces aspect of it cause it causes the mind to think about the line.
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a beauitiful piece indeed my dear lovey and loving xo
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Why would it bother, it is brilliant. Love the way it flows and how the message does come along and set the lights for the great show.
Keep on penning, this is sweet.
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