sometimes

sometimes i wake up in the middle
of the night
to call  out your name ...
but you are not here
sometimes i lie awake
as tears of regret stream down my face
i lost you ...
it was all my fault ...


sometimes i turn on the light
by your bed side
i pretend you are here
holding me in your arms
smelling your beautiful scent
in full bloom
of a  beautiful garden
then with blink of eye
its all gone ...
its only in my head
your are not here ...

sometimes i think of what i would say
if i see you again
i would steal away any moments
with you
so if you leave me again
i have them to last me for
life time ...
eternity with you
loving you
but all on my own ..
you are not really  here

iam sorry for weakness
iam sorry for loving you this much
that it killed me to lie to you..
just to make you stay with me
that is all i wanted ..
you with me forever ...

god knows how iam breathing
because it feels like iam not ...
because you are not here

i love you with all my heart
and i will wait for your return ...