Pillows

There’s a place where our pillows meet,
A no-man’s-land amid our sleep.
Their order isn’t well-defined
All pressed together in jagged lines.

Do they battle? Do they embrace?
What lies hidden in their shared space?
Does this cotton tell a story
Of age-old sadness or endless glory?

This fabric palm defies the seer.
Our bed knows only what we bring here:
The deepest dreams beyond our reach,
And restless thoughts that never cease.

1st submission here: What did you think?

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

By me, right now

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DeathlyHollow666
November 3

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Nice
I like the poem because it has a steady rythm. The rhyming scheme is cute too. The best lines are probably Line 1, 12 and 13 :-) NICE JOB
luv2dream
November 3

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love the title and the poem. hope you keep writing.
- DanielB
  November 3
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  thanks for reading and for the encouragement.
bballer21
November 2

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This poem is fabulous! i love the rhyme to it. it all flows so perfectly. but i do not agree with the person below me, i really do think this was a perfect title for this. good job, keep writing! i'd love to read more!
Immortal Obscurity
November 2

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Welcome to Allpoetry
This is a great poem, and I appreciate the fact that your rhythm is spot-on. Normally, I can't stand metered-poetry, as most people do it badly, but you've pulled it off, without forgoing meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.

If I had to critique anything here, it would be your title. It should really be an indication of what's inside, and I don't think it does your poem enough justice. Excellent work, though, and keep writing!

Laura
Site Greeter
- DanielB
  November 2
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  Thanks
  Thanks for the compliments and encouragement - much appreciated! Good point on the title too - I'll give that some thought. As for metered poetry I mostly stick to the classics with my reading so perhaps I've been a bit sheltered from some of the awkward rhyming that's out there.