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love never bloom

The sun and moon aline for us.
This one night only,
if we wait then our love will never bloom.
If we wish on the sun and the moon tonight,
we will be together.
You may be the most perfect guy i have every wanted.
I know im not perfect but will you still have me??
Well will you????

Wat you think?.?.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19
  • xXxFreakShowxXx
    November 30
    Edit | Reply
    great job loved it


  • VampireKitty-
    November 27
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    I love the intro very astrologyish good job love the write


  • ash003
    November 26
    Edit | Reply

    great work

    i really liked it......


  • i-l0v3-y0u-101426
    November 21
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    i love it and think u should write it the way u feel and not the way some1else tells u to....like this person down below me..(najji)

  • pooh bear13
    November 15
    Edit | Reply

    i love it


  • najji
    November 11

    Edit | Reply
    you have multiple spelling and grammatical errors.
    try using the spellcheck feature.
    'aline' - align
    'every' - ever
    'im' - i'm
    the title really doesn't make sense either.
    it should be something like 'love never blooms'.

    you capitalize your i's at some points and leave them lowercase in others. you should be consistent with that.

    while this is sweet it lacks a poetic air. you should strive for that. using pretty words and speaking about stars doesn't help one bit.

    also, try to refrain from using multiple question marks. it takes away from what you have written.


    • Eveybodys-FOOL
      November 11
      Edit | Reply
      if u dont like my poetry then dont comment ok i dont have time for stupid pricks ok thx


      • new born
        November 15
        Edit | Reply
        Okay, there's no need to be offended. Sorry if you don't feel like this is my buisness, but just because one person doesn't love your poetry, it doesn't mean they're a stupid prick. It's up to you if you want to edit or not, but there's no need for name-calling. Najji was only trying to help, after all.


      • najji
        November 12
        Edit | Reply
        i'm not stupid. i'm trying to better your writing skills. i'm sorry you can't take constructive criticism.


  • Wandering Alone
    November 7
    Edit | Reply
    haha i love it. short and sweet.


  • speakingheart
    November 3
    Edit | Reply

    intresting

    i like it.alot of emotion for just a little bit of lines

  • Reigning Fire
    November 3

    Edit | Reply
    You are very direct and concise in this peom, i like that and the structure is amazing, but honestly you shouldn't belittle yourself


  • Hija of the King
    November 2
    Edit | Reply
    luvs it

1 - 19 of 19