'You're judgmental and you generalise'
'So?'
'You can't do that, you just don't realise'
'No?'
'You always mock the Turner Prize!'
'Oh!'
'You won't even read the latest book!'
'I won't?'
'You don't give music a second look.'
'I don't?'
'And all the trouble that Mother took -'
"Goal!"
Author notes
A little personal.
The Turner Prize is a prize which has things in it like Tracey Emin's unmade bed, a picture done with elephant dung, installation art of various kinds, and generally people who have set out to produce something desperately new, and preferably controversial. It is interesting enough in its way, rather like my remote-control is.
Tell me what you REALLY think!
Comments
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Superb Plus +
Oh, me, oh my, oh my!!! Wowm LMAO! An incredible write filled with wry, ironic, satirical humor, methinks. Thanks for the laughs. This is one of your best, that's for sure.
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C...C
I am really glad it gave you a laugh. Hope by now you have re-affixed your arse.
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Goal!
must mean
Epic Fail!
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Madam
I hope this means you will be entering my conteest for an Epic!
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This is pretty neat. The give and take between the sexes is a topic of interest for bot. I liked the rhyme and the end. I wish the responses had been a little more confrontational, but I see why you wrote it as you did, and think it was effective.
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Ahh the forever intriguing and frustrated non communication between the sexes. I often feel as if I speak a foreign language when my sweetie looks at me with a deer in the headlights look. And often when he talks , I swear my english translation mode ha
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You do....
...speak a foreign language! Have a glance at the sociolinguistics item on Wiki, esp. the differentiation between the sexes, and all will be revealed. As a man, I now use it as an excuse for behaving and speaking in the boorish way that I do.
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Incidentally ...
I enjoyed the back and forth commentary between you and Wanda.
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Ha!
Yes..It did go downhill a bit, didn't it? From discussing sociolinguistics, to me suggesting that she was getting excited at the thought of those strong, muscular, ballet-dancers! I suppose we should have put it somewhere else really.
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You hit the bullseye ...
as far as I can see. It rather reminds me of a few conversations I've had in the past with some highly unimaginative people.
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Thanks...
I am afraid I would be on the wrong side.......
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I really really like this one. It's plain but to the point, it's also short and sweet. It's a really good write.
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You are allowed to be judgmental when you come across a picture plastered with elephant dung.and also allowed to generalise on any unmade bed, tho' I can't see why you would bother, and I bet your remote control is as familiar to you as your right hand... but then you arent listening are you. Who won?
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And something else - I don't know if it's still done or not (as I don't care about or follow sports) - at one time, football players were required to take dance and/or ballet classes, I think, as it improved their balance, movement and strength. Anyone who has watched a male ballet dancer would know not to mess with them, as their legs are quite muscled and their kicks would send the biggest bully flying through the air.
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Wanda
Far be it from me to suggest that women have a tendency to verbalise --and verbalise-- and ver--no! I am possibly a little eccentric, but not mad!
Yes, those big strong, muscular ballet-dancers -- calm yourself! I saw the Bolshoi here on a stage which had ben built to replicate the one in Moscow - quite wonderful. Who wins in a fight, though, below trained fighters, depends mostly on who is the most aggressive, and the maddest. In football and cricket they use all sorts of techniques like that -- and one of our better cricketers won a TV reality thing called 'Strictly come dancing', which, of course, I would never watch.
Have you been to Europe?
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Sigh. No, I've never been out of the U.S., unfortunately. I love to travel, but haven't been able to do much of it. Perhaps someday. As for women verbalizing... I'm a "former" college librarian (as if there was such a thing as being "former"), so it is quite easy for me to remain quiet - an occupational hazard, so to speak. 
Besides, as the saying goes, if one isn't listening, one isn't learning. As for calming myself, not an issue. I am the very picture of calm. 
Besides - big, muscular males don't do a thing for me. I like tall, lanky blokes usually. Those who lift weights frighten me a bit - they look as though they could crush you. I want to be held in strong arms, not demolished.
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Wanda
Your take on 'former' is rather delightful - I might even use it as my own! As for travel abroad, it is rather nice to have ahead things which will certainly be memorable and stimulating. I am rather sorry for the children who go off to the most foreign of foreign places from when they are small, as they do not have that pleasure of embarking on something new and mysterious.
We stick-insects with paunches all have a grudge against those big strong blokes . Up the Lankies!
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'Tis a calling one never truly grows out of, methinks. I grew up in a library and so, my vocation followed my heart. My husband has often accused me of being a teacher/scholar at heart, as well, as I tend to include educational information and links in my author's notes and I have posted quite a few columns to assist younger writers to become exposed to some of the classics. After all, AP did a poll not so long ago and over 70% of those responding had never even heard of Walt Whitman. 
Made me wonder what it is they ARE teaching in schools these days. Certainly not literature/arts and music. I know well from working in the library that when a financial crunch hits, those are the first fields to be affected. 
I would love to travel more, but it doesn't seem likely. I didn't even see an ocean until 1988 and that was the Gulf of Mexico, which even the natives informed me was simply a big, dirty pond. I finally got to go to the West Coast and see a proper ocean in 1996. It remains one of my fondest memories. My mother had grown up in California, so I got to see all the places she'd told me about when I was a child, and places where I once had family. There was such a strong sense of belonging there, although I would certainly avoid ever settling in the metropolis areas. Laguna Beach, Newport Beach and Santa Barbara were quite lovely. I prefer to stay away from larger cities. Much too crowded and mean-spirited. I lived in Oklahoma City for 37 years until this past March. I don't miss it a bit, either.
As for paunches, they make quite nice pillows, actually. Skinny people scare me, too. All those sharp edges and angles to puncture one with. I've been told that bullies are quite easy to handle, partly because of their size. Physics propels them forward and their balance is usually off, besides. "The bigger they are, the harder they fall" and all that.
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wanda
I have heard of that AP poll. But if it was done over the whole AP communiy, that would include a good many non=Americans, who might be less expected to have heard of him. Then again, a lot of people take part, who plainly did not get much in the way of education, and that is a good thing. How many Americans would have known who he was when he was alive?
I enjoyed a very happy holiday in California, where I have family, in San Diego. The whole family went to a kind of resort called Rancho Valencia, with little houses and gardens for each family, pools, stretch-limos and all. The sevants were largely Mexican, and I recall one woman burning her hand on a barbecue, and just going on smiling, for the guests. Then I thought just what her earnings might mean to her and her family, wherever they were. So maybe it was a win-win.
I am afraid my knowledge of Oklahoma is confined to the musical.
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You aren't missing much, I assure you. I was dragged there from Kansas (an ideal upbringing, but rather dull overall), kicking and screaming, a month before I turned 15. Otherwise, I would never have gone. I only stayed for the sake of my family. Since all are now gone but two brothers, I decided it was time to broaden my perspective. I moved from there in March and got married in April. I like it much better where I am now - much cleaner, much friendlier.
I would imagine a great many would have heard of Whitman, considering his less than savory reputation. Even Emily Dickinson was known to have said she refused to read his works.
California is quite a beautiful state, but I rather doubt I'd ever move there willingly.
I feel empathy for the servants, as I am sure they are not paid what they're worth. Most employees aren't, let alone "hired help".
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"All women do that" - "all men are that way". Sheesh. Not even. I grew up between two brothers, so I'm the first to leap to a man's defense, knowing both sides of the coin and the edge it rests upon. And how am I (usually) rewarded??? With a "all women say/think/act/feel that way" remark. Yeahhh, I hear ya.
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Thanks
But you might be interested just to read the Wiki entry on sociolinguistics, regarding me's and women's use of speech. It rang a bell with me.
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociolinguistics
There is next to nothing resembling the "norm" when it comes to artists and their crafts.
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Of course not....
...... but the (alleged) differences made me laugh. Women with their 'rapport' way of using language to maintain relationships, men talking more, with their 'report' way of just transmitting facts, (or perhaps the opinions in their head which they think of as facts), women using questions to keep conversation going, men assuming they really demand an answer. Despite my little poem whre the woman is bending the bloke's ear, it just has the ring of truth-- as does the bit where it says that when women do break out of their 'minimal' responses, it strikes men as 'chatter'.
I have noticed and joked about certain speech-patterns of women which the socolinguists seem to have missed. Not perhaps in US English, but here. The one I like most is the tendency of women to add a preposition after a verb: Put the potatoes on, wash it through, make a bed up, pull the curtains to, drop the children off, pick the the children up, clean the work-top down; and so on.
Men also have ways of trying to make some activity seem more masculine. 'Old' is inserted. Imagine a man doing something normall considered non-male, say, embroidery or such : 'Better get back to the old needle' - and straightaway, he has hauled his occupation into the land of the OK.
A couple of years ago we had a comedy series called 'The Fast Show', and in it, there would be sketch in which some no-hoper in the pub, would always get to a point where he would say, of whatever occupation 'The old (ballet) game --hardest game in the world', thus giving it an air of male respectability. I suspect this has not made it to the New World.
Now --- is that a rant, or what? Just reporting a few facts, though.
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A young man I knew years ago insisted that "his woman" would be doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. (since he was far too macho and considered it beneath him to do). I laughed at him and informed him that if he didn't learn to cook, clean and do laundry himself, he would more than likely end up marrying "a daddy's girl" and they would live in a filthy hovel and starve. Sure enough, my prediction came to pass. He finally took up the gauntlet and is a very fine cook. At the time, I informed him that the great chefs of Europe were mostly men, and would heartily take him to task for his belief that it was a "sissified" activity and that they were quite large and masculine, as well.
Some of your colloquialisms made it to the Colonies.
Many did not. But yes, indeed, we have our own quaint little phrases that cause many to pause and ponder.
One thing I've noticed over the years that is a difference between men and women is that women talk a lot, trying to work through a problem by verbalizing. Men tend to want to go straight to it and solve the problem, whereas the women merely wanted them to listen to them talk it out so they could get a perception of what needed to be done, then do it, while having a strong shoulder to lean on in their quest. I have sometimes said over the years to men who wanted to "fix things for me" - I can slay my own dragons, but sometimes, I may ask you to hand me the sword."
Nah, it's not a rant, per se. Just interesting dialogue between two seemingly intelligent observers of human behavior - and in some instances, misbehavior.
~ Wanda
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Well you both certainly ...
have gone on and on here and I liked it better than some of the other things that one comes across around AP! Most of all there were lots of times I would have loved to jump in with my own reflection but like the proverbial fly on the wall had to just clean my antennae instead. I think that a lot of men don't answer any question to them in a direct manner. Skirt chasers especially! Take note in the future. Anyway, thanks for something to read with my AM coffee.
and by the way ... What part of the Gulf of Mexico did you get to? That's my bathtub!
j
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Louisiana. For 18 months. Nice place to visit, but...
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I am glad....
...you enjoyed Wanda's amusing repartee. I think men's brief responses are of two sorts - one a vaguely agreeing one, which in all probability is all the woman wants ,having already made up her mind; and then , whilst in the middle of ratonal-ish talk, some sort of skirt-chasing event occurs, where ,say, the woman moves, or shows more than she has been, or you drive past a huge bill-board with a Wonderbra ad, and something happens to the pre-frontal cortex...
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"pre-frontal cortex"... Ohhh, is that where it happens???
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Wanda
Absolutely. And as we are not constructed to 'juggle' and multi-task, obviously, we cannot think of two things at the same time, ans so may, on occasion, appear, rude in conversation; in fact, it is a wonder that in a driving situation, we manage to avoid more accidents. So you see, you gels are completely unfair, and should expect this, and make allowances: we are made that way!
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Just kiddin' ya, Poet. But yes, men do seem to be much more visually-oriented. I have seen accidents happen that were caused by their, uhhh, being distracted before.
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Wanda
Oh yes, light-hearted all the way....just as long as we are clear that, contrary to popular belief, men's occasionally lethal actions, and often gauche reactions, are, in fact, the fault of the other gang. All of a sudden, I feel remarkably liberated!
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Further down I was reading your explanation of this poem and was very gratified to learn that I was actually envisioning much of what you said you were thinking so was on the same wave-length. I did enjoy it very much.
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I am intrigued by your poetry, a little unconventional, but very meaningful all the same. I'm of the belief anyway that poets should be at the forefront of any literary movement, being unconventional and leading the way.
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Why thank you, Ma'am!
But don't read too much meaning in. I wrote one called 'Boo!' and it just goes ' boo to this and boo to that'....and so on. I kept saying it was just silly, but still got extremely serious and deep comments.
I have spent my entire life trying to come across as what in the US they call 'a regular guy', with absolutely no success. It is said that the poets of to-day are the legislators for the future... But if you look further, you will see that I have posted plenty of saccharine stuff - my problem is that I find it difficult to write about the truly personal, and apart from some nostalgic stuff, I think that there are only a couple on here. So Iend up writing light-hearted or odd or novel things.
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A learning experince!
As you know, I have little training in poetry; my training was in science. I have written science articles in science speak: short, to the point, pithy.
So I have no ability to give you an educated analysis of your poem.
Therefore, I am guessing that you wrote this to a sibling you isn't measuring up to your standards.
You say it is personal, so I have no right to inquire.
I am puzzled at the last word, "Goal!"
I can only suppose it is a shortened for "What is your goal?"
I very much like you poem and it has taught me much: I have not read a poem like it.
I think of myself not as your teacher, but as your student: you know much more about poetry than I do.
From your poem I have learned a new style this day.
Thanks for the lesson !
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Oh flattery!
How I like it! Also, that a person will say what they do, or don't understand -- I see so much that is either completely incomprehensible or at least obscure, while people jump up and down saying how good it is, and how they understand exactly just what the writer means, -without, howver, going so far as to say what the writer means.
It was personal onlt insofar as I was in a relationship last year, and am still good friends with, a woman younger than me, and whose back-ground is in art, and culture generally. I was supposed to be the Phillistine, and it occurred to me that there were any number of men in the same situation.
So the guy is sitting there listening to all this stuff, letting it wash over him mostly, but with one eye on a TV screen, watching the football. And he comes to life, when someone scores.
You see: I am not as educated as you imagined! But I do like little conversational pieces, like this one, or 'I', or 'God and Satan'. Sometimes they really do just come fully made , but sometimes the lightness of touch betrays a lot of changing a chiselling.
Did you realise that you had ignored me for a couple of months? I was baffled.
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Haha very clever! Thanks for sharing!
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Ta, ever so
I have just realised that I have done two 'mother' poems, in quick succession.
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I enjoyed the conversational aspect of this poem. It worked well. I really enjoyed the ending. Parent issue... don't they always boil down to mommy and daddy issue? Very well done.
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Thank you
Glad it gave you a smile.
And yes, re parents. I once knew a rather sophisticated couple, whose squabble ended with the very mature words "Well, your mother's old!"
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Yes yes yes. Made funnier by your accuracy. Well observed and written. Talking about remote controls try................http://allpoetry.com/poem/5447027
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this is quite an interesting poem.
i applaud it! lol ^_^
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This made me laugh! Well done.
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Thank you...
....that is the highest praise
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woah, i love it i can be very picky abot writing but this is unlike what i usually see and i love it. keep writing like this!
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Thank you....
......I am so glad you enjoyed it - I hope it made you smile. Good for you for reaching out beyond your normal zone.
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I think it's quite funny! The monosyllabic answers are very irritating - to those who are getting them, to us who are reading them, they are very amusing!!!
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Thank you, Mari
Yes, it is so much better to be on the outside looking in!
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You mean you don't like it? The funniest thing was when a cleaner remade the bed thinking someone had just slept there overnight. Then of course you have all those paintings done by dogs or elephants or monkeys that some folk pay thousands for.
Does anyone read the books that win the P ??? (can't spell it) although I seem to recall The Satanic Verses won it one year didn't it?
I love the responses in your poem can imagine the nagging female voice and the male voice answering So? Oh? No? Oer is that being sexist ?
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Pattiboo
Of course I like it, I do, really, really! Yes, I remember that incident; excellent work. Go,cleaner! I tend to grouse away, but then when I do go, I find one or two things that are interesting. I just can't join in that particular kind of reverence which surrounds the Turner. One has to separate it totally from painting or 'traditional' sculpture, otherwise, one just storms around muttering 'Emperor's new clothes'.
Once, with one of the literary prizes, a book-shop inserted a cheque for a reasonable sum into a few copies. Most, or all of the cheques were not cashed.
One of my worst mistakes was to read 'The Satanic Verses'. The fatwa was entirely justified, not on the religious grounds put forward by Ayatollah Khomeini, but because it was the most appalling pretentious clap-trap one could contrive. I only read it because I know what the title means, and, unless I fell asleep, there was no reference to them.
Nagging female voice? No, surely not! Never!
Glad if it gave you a laugh.
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Hmm
Nice (lol aint got much to say bout this i liked it no suggestions just cudos to you
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Ouch.
Lesson Learned and expressed well. I'd ask if you teach too, but I see you do!
ya All~Ways,
~ Jan ~
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I recently figured out what some things are meant for - and looking forward to Learning more!
Thanks for pointing out the dimensions of the piece - the same sex angle was new to me. -
Jan
Thanks. Of course,especially bearing in mind how bad it is to label, there is no suggestion of who is which sex, if, indeed, they are different.
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