Conglomerate

uh-oh..

Everything seems to be..
collapsing down around me.

Uh-oh..
beautiful things turn moldy green..
my heart is stuck in between..
heaven, hell, and earth.

What is a man or woman worth?
to one, he is worth much..
to another, as dispensable as rotten lunch.

What are we to God?
What are we to man?
What is his will?
What is his master plan?

dividing tides..
pushing me where the beasts ride..
storms all around me..

nowhere to hide.
Something to weakly say..
with a heart faintly withered..

the trecherous serpant slithered on over to my tree..
and I've been feeling the venom like never before.
echoing in and out of me..

God will bring joy with my endurance..
peace with my perseverance.

deliverance from the evil one.

I am here..
what have I to fear?
my heart ripped apart from there to here.

this world pressures you like crazy..
giving in would be considered lazy..

my memories are getting hazy..
and Life is stagnant today.

at first it was okay..
but attacks and criticisms are flowing my way..
like stinky water..on a humid day..

High school is over..
and now I'm considered an adult..
it's not my fault..
That I don't know how to act competent.
it's not my fault..
that I am not yet ready to face reality..
It's not my fault..
That I am so afraid that I won't succeed..
that it's paralyzing, dropping me to my knees.

it's like me trying to climb up trees, yet I don't have legs.
it's like going to a frat party, but without any kegs..
it's like saying the wrong thing..
and the sadness lasts all day..

Tommorow, everything will be okay.
Tommorow, all my sorrow will soon be washed away..
I can count on God..
I so can..
why aren't I, then?

Why am I exhibiting uncertainty when I should be embracing faith?

it's too hard..
my human tendencies scream when I think of it...
Embrace the uncertain?

have faith?
God's got it under control?
What do these words mean right now?
it seems somehow, my soul cannot process it.

what is wrong with me right now?
maybe I am not yet ready to become an adult..
maybe I should just put my life on a hault..
at least for an hour or two..
and just focus on you, God..

and see what you think and what you feel about my future..
because you hold the ultimate rod; the ultimate staff..

you can dictate the winds, and the rains along with Love and wrath..
you have everything in the palm of your hands..

so I will rest...
in you..
no matter what or where I will be in the future..
I just want to succeed..
I just want to know that I will be living a life of freedom with you.
I just want to love you with my life..

distractions, lies, rejections, neglections and failures..
all sliding my way, and getting in my head..

my face turning beat red..
at the thought of social contact..
what am I?
a baby?
maybe..
But isn't that what Jesus called us to be?
Children of himself and his father?

I think so.
So let go
Of all mess ups..
life is full of them..
become strong and move on.

Concentrate on God, college..
and friends..
and it's time to get our groove on.