The road from Galilee..
orphans and junkies
sit on bar stools
at strip joints,
with intentions
that were paved
over cemeteries,
of painted people
with black tar
and white lines,
that lead to
mirrored rooms,
with numbered doors,
at The Gideons Motel,
where weary patrons,
kill all their days
and all their saints,
with a knife to the back,
as they faithfully depart.
The road to redemption..
absolution over ice,
late night confessions,
she calls in,
to take out,
a little bit more,
of what she left,
from all that was right.
A contest entry
- ~ Dark/Morbid ~ by XMysticalNightmareX.
550 points, ended November 19, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Path to Redemption by MichaelLeeSmyth.
1200 points, ended November 19, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Quite surprised to see this entered, delighted as well. I spent years in that motel, never managed to get past page one.
All that was left eroding away bit by bit.
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interesting write! really well penned, i enjoyed reading this piece to the fullest! thanks for entering and good luck!
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ahhhhh.... so nice....
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Moving and bittersweet...a powerful tribute, though I'm not quite sure where it's aimed...inward or outward...?
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liked it!!!
first off i only had 1 applause left to this im sorry. you deserved more. i like the description and the feel to it wonderful write. continue with your work. i will try to check more of your work. and im glad i got to read this.
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Glad I found your work again! Anothe fine write and as ever I am in awe of your use of imagery. Cheers and thanks for sharing your gift with us.
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I have entered the church of the poetic redeemer. Tis good for the soul. Regards. -The Manatee
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I've had to read this a few times...
From Galilee to Redemption...Ultimately, I felt that this was a poem about redemption...As usual, your imagery just grabbed me and threw me to the bottom of the poem...It's always fun to read your poetry Liam, because poetry in itself can be read so many different ways, so many different meanings, but since you use so many images in lines that can stand alone, it makes for a very interesting read...Very thought provoking..
I like the idea of these drug addicts killing their days and saints as they faithfully depart....Faithfully, because they will return... Redemption for the ones who long for All That Was Right...
Like all of us...
BLESSINGS,
BRANDON
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nice
seems a lil bit dark but good
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I can read this again and again and still not feel I know any more than I did before I read it, does that make sense?
I think after reading some of the comments, people miss your sense of humor and more importantly, your irony. We all revise our own histories. We tell it the way we saw it, and that's how it happened. I think I see you going a bit further by showing us how you can kill them off with a knif to the back. How wonderful.
I love your writing, and your irony.
Jin
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"The road to redemption..
absolution over ice,
late night confessions" I loved how this piece had dark undertones... but also religious references... Skilled work!
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First of all, I really love the double meaning of
"of painted people
with black tar
and white lines"
After the obvious, I pictured these tribal cats all tarred up and painted, dancing in a frenzy from some jungle drug, an endless parade in the mirrored rooms with flames juxtaposing modern hotel trappings.
*pssh* yes, ummm... the captain has turned the fasten seatbelt sign back on.... and we'll be makng our descent back into Lowell's poem momentarily... we apologize for the turbulence, folks... it was an unwxpected turn that was not on our radar.... so please stay seated, and as alway, thanks for flying.... *pssh*
...
anyway....
I really dug the speed of this.
The grit of the streets and the grudging beauty of the wrong turns made were illumined in full force.
First rattle out the box you rattle the cage by associating Galilee with strippers and hellbound losers. (God forbid....lol) Which is relevant, socially and dogmatically. The play on cemeteries paved was also cool.
I dug how you kept the imagery kind of "bullet style" most of the time, for a lack of better recall of terms. In rapid succession we are bombarded by so many concepts that stand alone. Painted people, black tar, white lines, mirrored rooms, numbered doors. Ka-pow ka-pow ka-pow. Rapid fire, right to the old mixer upstairs. The ride was wild my friend. I can feel the defeat and the drama, the weight of this road to redemption.
Excellent.
Real.
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This was quite an unusual style (within regards to lay-out and flow) for you, yet at the same time entirely enjoyable and it's great that you're showing us your range - usually your pieces are written in a way that it's like you're there, talking to me whereas here, it's... how can I describe it! Even more mystical somehow, because it flows like a river and almost has a beat to it, also you've used a lot more symbolism here which is wonderful. It's one of those pieces that has a definite meaning, and yet that meaning is still vague enough for us to think over, and interpret it how we will. I love that.
My favourite lines would have to be;
"orphans and junkies
sit on bar stools
at strip joints,
with intentions
that were paved
over cemeteries,
of painted people
with black tar
and white lines,
that lead to
mirrored rooms,"
so full of striking imagery and underlying meaning.
Thankyou for sharing this brilliant piece and please keep writing,
Jess x
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Ok, This was deep and intense!
I could feel your words eating at me with this piece.
Had me pondering on alot of things...
As always a powerful write that left me speechless!
Amanda
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i don't comment often enough on your writes, but i read plenty. every time i feel educated, your words drip with life's experience, and i love to read and feel them. like krs-one says, this is pure edu-tainment, and i thank you for that.
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Powerful and leaving you with questions. Great read.
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Yep, it's a long road from Galilee alright, and it's a helluva long way back again altho it needn't be that way at all...we just make it that way, coz the sleeze and the slime are just too groovy to ignore!
Nice write Liam, you hit all the right spots brother...there's a long ice cold blues note blowin through this piece!
Gideons Motel...I like that, Love over Gold, Telegraph road just got a bit longer...
Love it
John
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The strip joint, a far different place than a gentleman's club. The reek of desperation filling the air as harshly as the blue grey smoke of forgotten cigarettes.
What once was no longer matters, buried under the self created hell that has become the new reality. Do we continue down the path of slow suicide or find another way.
Peace
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the beginning and the end are the best bits, I think Liam...as it is said of great poetry, most if it is oft not understood...
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was great either way ... good read liam
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absolution over ice just echoes in the vaults of my mind. You have wrote a most wonderful piece here. I look forward to reading more.
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Hmm...dark and short. What can I say. Very nicely done. I love the run-on sentences in the first stanza; they work wonderfully here.
Thank you for sharing.
rous
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wow this is a very powerful poem
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Your writes always gives me alot to ponder on.......
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It seems to be a part two?
she calls in,
to take out,
a little bit more,
of what's left,
with what was right.
am I off...i love the flow and the imagery here. great work dear friend.
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Love it
Very clever, powerful poem.
I love the pace and tone of the poem, the way the enjambment flows through the beginning to the 1 line stanza at the end. Well done -
oh darlin'
where do I begin on this one...
....where weary patrons,
kill all their days
and all their saints,
with a knife to the back,
as they faithfully depart....
now there is an image. [it makes me go damn, and laugh at the same time. yes, I know. I am a weird one. haha]
...she calls in,
to take out,
a little bit more,
of what's left,
with all that was right....
wonderful ending. it makes me think of 'her' grabbing just a little bit of good... because it's good to hold onto it, with all the crap that goes on in the world....
fantastic baby.
~case
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Great word play.
Smells of stale red velvet.
Beautiful, but worn.
This is an incredible poem.
Now, I want to fly with the Eagles....
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kill all their days
and all their saints,
For some reason these lines are just echoing in my brain..
they have a power...
I love it when mere words can hit me like this!
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Lowell,
Love this take on the Road from Galilee...what a wonderful use of imagery, words, and thoughts! Big hug!
love, faith
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The road of good intentions comes to mind as one reads your colorful imagery and characterizations of those who one finds in the bars, strip joints, and Gideon Motels
Love every word you use to portray the mosaic of the cross section of life under the city lights...You have reflected it so well..g.Bookmarking!
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wow. i loved the images this put in my head. thanks for sharing. i loved the deepre meaning behind it.
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of painted people
with black tar
and white lines,
My favorite part, right there.... so much absolutely wonderful imagery and metaphor in this short piece...... There are a million things it reminds me of. Loved the Gideons reference, as well as "absolution over ice". This is pretty damn good hon.
-Kelly
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